Tag: Women In Divorce - page 2

The entire process of divorce is unpredictable. For many, divorce can feel like death. This is especially true for women who tend to process loss in a completely different manner then men. Women are filled with grief and a feeling of guilt. They feel as if they should have seen this coming and should have been able to fix it before it fell apart. As a divorce attorney one of the first things that we set out to do is to help women accept that their marriage is over and that there is nothing that they could have done to change the outcome.

Women must come to terms that they are simply not meant to be together any longer because they no longer bring happiness to one another. We also help them to understand it is possible to be decent to one another while proceeding through the divorce process. Below you will find some tips to help you, as a women/mother going through a divorce.

It is important to tread lightly and take each step of the divorce process as it comes along. Take time to finalize one relationship before getting involved in another. Your focus should be on transitioning your family unit into two pieces. No matter how cordial you are your ex are the process of divorce is challenging and confusing for all vested parties.

Time should be shared equally while reaching a custody agreement. If you choose not to spend time with your children they will resent you. If you take them away from their father and never allow them time to visit they will resent you. It is important to balance time with your children between the two of you. This will be difficult and may take time to understand but trust that it is beneficial for the unit on whole to keep a united front where your children are concerned.

When it comes to communicating, especially when children are involved, talk face to face, and never place your children in the middle. Talking face to face to one another makes it more difficult to slander one another. It is easy to text negativity to your ex but much more difficult to look someone you once loved in the eye and spew negative comments.

Going through a divorce is never easy. It is important that you seek counsel from a local divorce attorney as soon as you realize reconciliation is not going to occur. A divorce attorney will help guide you through the steps of the divorce process and will lead you to healthy support avenues along the way.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Going through the divorce process is bad enough, let alone having the process takes place during the holiday season.  Dividing time with your children is never going to be easy.  It becomes especially difficult to be rational when consumed with the emotions of the season.  The one thing both parents need to do is realize that whatever is in your children’s best interest is what is in yours.  With some compromise from both you and your spouse the holiday season can be one that the children experiences stress free.

It is so important that any talks that are associated with the pending divorce and child custody arrangements are kept to a minimum during the holiday season.  Wait until after the holiday passes.  The last thing you wish is for your children to forever associate the holidays with their parents’ divorce.

It may be extra hard not to overdo the gifts this year to compensate for what life is throwing at them.  That however, is one of the worst things you can do as a parent going through a divorce.  Too many gifts won’t make up for the fact that their parents are no longer together and will end up haunting you down the road.

If it is at all possible speak with your spouse about what gifts they are interested in getting the children.  It may be incredibly difficult to work together but it will only benefit your children not only in the short term but in the long run as well.  If one of you is going to buy the dream house, the other should be in charge of accessorizing.  If a play station is going to be purchased then be the one to offer to buy the games.  Working together on little things like this will go a long way in your ability to work together through the bigger issues that will arise.

Work as many of the traditions your children are used to into the holiday.  If for instance, your spouse’s family does a big dinner Christmas Eve let your children go even if it is your night to be with them.  Your children benefit from this not your spouse.  Hopefully they will do the same the next time your family has something going on and it is not on your scheduled parenting time.

Work new traditions into this holiday season.  It will be different from what the children are used to.  Wok to celebrate new opportunities.  If your spouse hated the mess of a fresh cut tree, now is your turn to take the kids and chop down a fresh cut Christmas tree.  That can be a new tradition that you start and carry on with your children.

The bottom line is that no matter what time of year you are going through a divorce it is going to be difficult for your children.  The difference around the holiday is that this is the time of year they were used to spending the most time together as a family.  Balance and a positive attitude will help you not only survive the holiday but truly enjoy the season with your children.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

The holiday season is one that brings enough stress with it all on its own without worrying about how you will handle certain events with your divorce being finalized.  Approaching the holidays after divorce, especially when you have children, doesn’t have to be filled with anxiety.  With a bit of preparation and the right mind set the first holiday season without your ex can be the best you have had in a long time.

Some things newly divorced moms worry about is family gatherings, parties of mutual friends and of course Santa’s visit.  The one thing to remember is that this is a year of changing traditions.  The things you were traditional for you and your family at holidays pasts will be memories to share and enjoy but this year will be about new traditions.  Creating a joyful, stress free holiday is the best present two parents can give to their children whether they are married or divorced.

Some couples get along better after their divorce is final.  If this is how you are with your ex that it may be just fine to continue to celebrate Christmas morning together so that you are both able to witness the joy of the season that is shared with small children.  Santa coming is a big part of a young child’s Christmas and therefore may be one time where you will choose to come together.

If this is not the case and you and your ex are unable to be amicable then spare yourself the stress of the above scenario.  Santa can and will visit two separate homes when situations arise that he needs to.  If this is the first Christmas in which you will be celebrating separately consider going on vacation or to stay with friends.  Gifts from Santa found under a different tree then the one shared with your ex may be just the ticket to make it through this very first Christmas.

To avoid issues when it comes to the two of you making holiday plans including the children make a solid action plan a few weeks in advance.  If this is not something that will be easy for the two of you on your own consider meeting with your divorce attorney’s and having a plan drawn up that is recognized by friend of the court.  This may be the only solid way that last minute deviations to the plan are avoid and the holiday remains uncomplicated.  Never leave things up to the children or adhere to a plan with a wait and see what happens approach.  Nothing good comes of this for your children.  They will be riddle with anxiety and you will be devastated if your plans are derailed last minute because of plans your ex miscommunicated with you.

Although your kids shouldn’t be left to plan the holiday season their school schedule and personal desires should be kept in mind while creating the grand plan.  If your children have always loved cutting a tree down do this with them.  This is something that they will enjoy doing more than once within the holiday season.  Who is to say that because it was something you did with your ex it isn’t something you can continue to do without them.

Above all remember that the holiday season is all about enjoying quality time with loved ones.  This is possible to do, after your divorce!  Take a moment to create the holiday season you have always wanted.  This year there is no limit or compromise.  Plan parties, bake cookies and decorate to the fullest extent.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

There are so many emotions that are experienced throughout the divorce process.  It is hard to go through the process without feeling a little bit of everything.  The hope is that it won’t all hit at one time and that having a better understanding of what you will be experiencing it won’t be as difficult of a process to navigate.

One of the first emotions when going through a divorce is intense anger.  It may be that you are trying to convey a mixture of pain, anxiety or irritation that comes out as anger.  This feeling of intense wrath is a mechanism we use to shield ourselves.  We try to protect ourselves from the vulnerability we are feeling and this is often done using anger.  Projecting anger leave us in a state that doesn’t allow us to be discarded once again.

Another emotion that participants in a divorce succumb to is shock.  You may be caught completely off guard when you are served with divorce papers.  People have been known to be caught off guard; unaware that the troubles in their marriage have led to a request for a divorce.  That feeling, the one in which it feels as if someone punched you as hard as they could right in the gut.  Your life is going to change, it will be scary and it starts right now.

Another emotion that is often felt is the feeling of rejection and despair.  Despair comes from being rejected.  The feeling of someone not accepting you brings back feelings in your life of when you have previously been disregarded.  Often times when your marriage fails people feel as if they too have failed.  You are not damaged goods just because your marriage did not work.  Your dreams have not failed; all that has happened is that you need to trade in the old dreams for new ones.

The fear of being alone is something that comes along with divorce.  This is especially true if you have been in a relationship for an extended period of time.  If you are unfamiliar with spending time by yourself the feeling can be quiet scary and cause you to have an overwhelming level of fear.  Trust yourself, it is possible to survive on your own without the help of your partner.

When any change occurs and a new phase of life is about to get underway it can be pretty scary.  It is alright to be scared.  Being scared is natural.  It would be unrealistic to believe that this phase would pass without it.

You will feel quiet bitter towards your partner and others that may be helping them through the process. Seeing your perfect family being ripped apart, thrown into turmoil because your spouse filed for divorce will cause you to be overcome with bitterness.  When your partner files you will blame them; you will blame them for an outcome that you feel you don’t deserve.

Allow yourself to go through the myriad of emotions you are sure to feel.  There is no right way to process your divorce.  A good divorce attorney will offer you referrals for assistance in handling your emotions throughout the entire divorce process.  Your divorce attorney will guide you; they are familiar with a process you are not so trust them and their instincts.  Hold on tight for the rollercoaster ride you are about to embark upon!

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for both men and women when going through a divorce.  It becomes a reality that life with go on even without the person you have loved for so long in your life.  Navigating through divorce and on to life after divorce is something that comes with the territory.  One major piece of the puzzle that leaves many in turmoil after their divorce is dating.

Dating after being married to someone for a period of time can prove to be tricky.  Being that you have been out of the dating scene for a while it is understandable if those skills have faded into oblivion.  Face it, it has been ages since the last time you went out on a date.  A decade has past where you have not had to put yourself out there. You will be a bit rusty but you can get back in the dating game with a little help.

First thing first, avoid club hopping at all costs.  The men that are at the clubs aren’t looking for anything long term.  You set yourself up for instant failure in the dating department when you end up at a night club.  What you will find is a one night cheap thrill which is probably the last thing you want.  Don’t cheapen yourself when jumping back into the dating world.  You will only find what you desire by putting your true self out there.  Clubs are an alcohol filled, hormone engulfed environments that can lead you straight into another disaster.

Group dates tend to ease tension and provide a great environment in which to meet new people.  It is easier to be yourself and to put your true self out there when you are with people who you already know and whom make you comfortable.  Being introduced to men through friends is a great way to find someone that is like minded.  Think about the reality of this; friends of friends already have something in common with you.  If they are friends with your friends there is an increased likelihood that you are bound to have some things in common.

Another method that is good for women getting back into the dating scene after a divorce is online dating. Avoid free dating sites as these are the ones that have proven to have a fair amount of scammers. Set up an online profile and start slowly.  There is nothing that says that you have to meet face to face.  Try emailing and talking online for a few months.  When you are ready set up a plan to meet one another.  Online dating can be a stress free way to start talking with people and learning how to put yourself out there.

If you aren’t up for a traditional dating after your divorce don’t feel pressure to do so.  Nothing is wrong with being independent and seeking to be comfortable in your own skin.  Put yourself out there and start making friends.  Volunteer, start participating in the community or team sport activities; anything to just get you back out into society.  When couples get married they tend to forget they are still individuals.  Simply put, start dating yourself before worrying about someone else.  Put yourself first and trust me the rest will follow in time.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

It is pretty obvious; divorce is not great for your marriage.  With the obvious being stated it is important to know that women handle divorce harder than men. Don’t get me wrong divorce is hard for both men and women however truth be told men move on faster.  It is tough, but not impossible to overcome divorce.  Believe it or not it is actually possible to discover happiness after divorce.  If you are a women who is newly divorced it is time to lose the past grief and unhappiness and move towards your future of excitement and happiness.

It is important to understand that you need to move on.  I know this can be a bit intimidating but it is essential that you start viewing yourself as an independent, strong women.  Moving on does not mean committing to the next relationship that comes around.  It means that you should start viewing yourself as a strong independent woman.  It also signals that you alone are in control of your happiness.  Don’t jump into a relationship.  Give yourself the opportunity to move through your divorce and into the happiness you desire.

Think about exactly what you want after your divorce and bring that to your future.  Consider your thoughts on not only child custody, alimony and a possible change in location.  Consider everything that affects your life after the divorce before you consider updating your relationship status.

Working with your ex is probably the last thing you are considering as you are processing your divorce.  However, if you want to be happy this is one way to create it for yourself.  Maintain a relationship that allows you to be cordial with your ex.  To remain on terms that are at least social allows you to maintain a relationship with your ex that creates an environment that is good for your children and their future.  Move towards the future, stop fighting about the past and bringing up past divorce issues.

When it comes to being happy after divorce the most important focus should always be on your children.  When it comes to the children you should always focus on keeping their life completely normal.  Creating this environment allows you to take your mind off the painful past and to move forward towards a future that creates a life you desire for your children

When it comes to going through a divorce focusing on your children will allow you to see a happiness you forgot was possible.   If it takes therapy or seeking advice from a divorce expert move forward with that plan.  Do whatever is takes to create a happiness that you experience with your children.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.