Tag: Michigan Divorce Lawyer

Rules Of Dating As A Divorced Father

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Dating as a divorced parent can often be difficult.  This is especially true for dads.  There is a lot to prove to not only their children but also their ex and future partners.  Divorces fathers often have only part time custody therefore tend to be less present with their everyday lives.  This leaves them missing out on a lot of the little things that account for the lives of their children. That also means that when they do have time to spend with their children they really need to make every minute count.

Dating can often be a bit difficult for divorced dads.  There is a lot to juggle while maintaining a healthy balance between time for yourself, time with your children and time for a significant other.  When divorced dads start back into the dating world they should do so with caution.  There is a lot to consider.  Not only do you need to follow the normal rules of dating but also a new set of rules for divorced fathers.

First and most importantly never date or marry an individual that feels she deserves all of your attention and demands to be put ahead of your children.  No matter what she brings to the table no women is worth placing your children and their needs on the back burner.  When you had children you made the commitment to put them before anyone else in your life.

Don’t compare children.  This is especially true among siblings and step siblings.  When you begin to compare them to one another they will begin to feel doubt in themselves and the love that you have for them.  All children and different and unique in their own ways.  Praise them for who they are and what they bring to the table.  Each child offers something special to the family unit.

When you are a divorced father it is crucial that you do everything in your power to stay connected with your children.  You need to be on time and attentive to them.  Make a special effort to be at every event be it birthdays, sports, field trips and so on.  Your presence or lack thereof will be noticed by your children, your ex and so will your significant other.  If the person you are dating is someone you will want to be with forever they should encourage this.

Another important piece of the puzzle is that you live where your children live at least until they are out of school.  This will ensure that you are there for as many big and little events as you can be.  When you are dating be clear that you have no intentions of uprooting your life until your children are grown.  You need to be clear that they are dating you and that your relationship is important but so is the relationship you share with your children.

Last but not least, when dating don’t discuss your ex-wife, especially in front of your children.  When dating, your ex is off limits in conversations with your significant other while you are with your children.  They feed off of your negativity and will hold that against you later on in life.

It is a whole new world being a divorced father.  Every aspect of life with change just a little bit none more so than your dating life.  Take it all in, enjoy the ride and remember to be in the front seat of the rollercoaster with your children!

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Keeping A Positive Outlook During Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Men going through the divorce process, especially when children are involved, are clearly at a disadvantage. Women have been favored and continue to be throughout divorce proceedings. Society likes to view women as victims while acting like all men are scoundrels. The problem with this is that in order for a marriage to fail both parties are accountable. No one is without fault in a divorce.

Lots of men are stigmatized by the image of men in our culture being the bread winners for so long. Even though this image is no longer representative of the society we live in today it is still an issue that is facing men in divorce. Financially men are seen as the provider leaving them with the financial burden in divorce. This is a troubling matter especially with the role reversal that is common in today’s homes. More men are staying home while their wives return to work. An even more common element in homes today is the presence of two working parents. Divorce is never clear cut.

If you are a man going through a divorce it is important that you keep your head up and don’t allow yourself to get depressed. Feeling low about yourself only leads you into a situation where you are more easily taken advantage of. Keeping a positive outlook on life and a positive frame of mind allows you to focus on a better outcome to your divorce. Keep disagreements with your spouse to a minimum. This will help eliminate any more bad blood while allowing you to focus on your new optimistic approach to your life after divorce.

While you are moving through your divorce keep an eye on all assets and liabilities. Keep track of money that is being spent on credit cards and withdrawn from joint bank accounts. Your wives divorce attorney will tell her to do the same. This is not meant to be sneaky but to prevent you from being responsible for joint debt that occurs while you are in the process of divorcing. At the end of the divorce you want to remain financially stable. This will not be possible if joint accounts are wiped out and credit card debt is racked up during the dissolution of your marriage.

If you have been the stay at home care provider it is important that you determine what means you have to get back into the work force. The same should be true for your spouse as well if she has taken on the role as in home care provider to your family. Both parties should be financially responsible for bringing in a source of income after the divorce. Don’t rely on financial support from your significant other especially if you are a man. Getting spousal support is fairly uncommon for men in today’s society.

Getting a divorce is not easy. When going through a divorce seek support from friends as well as from an attorney that specializes in men’s divorce. Keep the future in your sites, keep a positive outlook, maintain your finances and work on moving forward.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Knowing You Are Not Alone In Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let’s explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.

Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.

Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family’s legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can’t stand the test of time.

Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this “love” phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can’t be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.

When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.

Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time’s men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney’s often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.

No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Learning To Live Life During And After Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of.  This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.

First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve.  You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay.  Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.

Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating.  This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with.  The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage.  You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.

Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it.  Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle.  Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family.  When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you.  Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.

Take some time when getting back into the dating game.  Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with.  Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce.  If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage.  Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.

More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce.  Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t.  Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships.  Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Enjoying Your Life Once Your Divorce Is Final

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When your marriage ends one life ends and a new one begins.  The problem is that not everyone is ready for this to happen.  Sometimes one partner in the marriage was not willing to accept that the marriage was ending and therefore the process of moving on and letting go of the past is more difficult than it should be. Below you will find some tips on letting go, moving on, jump starting your future and finding peace.

First things first; come clean with all of your emotions and realize that your life will continue after the end of your marriage.  The feelings that you will have guarantee to run the gamut of emotions as well as to change frequently.  You naturally will feel blame, pity, anger, worthlessness and insecure.  On another spectrum you may feel free, liberated, useful and unrestricted.  How you feel is uniquely personal. Feel what you feel.  It is okay to go through each emotion feeling it completely.  It is also perfectly normal to let it go.  Eventually you will come to the point where your marriage and divorce no longer defines you and you will understand that your marriage will be like a cruise; something you did once before a long time ago.

Some people I meet with you are on the verge of filing for divorce are hanging on out of fear of being alone.  Before there were two you were one and believe it or not you survived.  Just as you have done in the past you will survive on your own.  Being in a broken marriage is far lonelier than actually being on your own and creating a new life for yourself.  It is reasonable to grieve for your loss or the marriage that you assumed you would be in however as with grieving in death there will come a time when you can start to move forward.

The next step may seem impossible at first but is as necessary as any.  Make time to allow yourself to feel good.  Stop burning daylight and get on course to living your new life; a life that you create where you can do or be anything you put your mind to. This will hit you like a ton of bricks.  You won’t notice it happening but one day it will have happened and it will hit you.  All of a sudden you will be living a meaningful, productive life.  You will find yourself taking time in the morning making yourself feel good, you will wear clothing to feel good and that makes you feel attractive.  Be it trying a new sport, wearing a new style of clothes or finally cutting your hair is a style you never contemplated before you will find yourself living life for yourself and no one else. You will have found time to be you and you will feel good about it.

In our next installment on life after divorce we will focus on accepting the next step and jump starting your future now that you have accepted your marriage is over and you are on to living for yourself.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com/divorce.php.

Longton Law

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Making Time For Your Future When Your Divorce Is Final

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

In our last installment on marriage and divorce we talked a lot about learning to accept that your marriage has ended and that a new life awaits you.  We discussed taking steps that create a life worth living and one that is focused on making yourself happy.  Finally feeling worthy of feeling good is something that may take some time but when it finally happens and it hits you the sensation is one that you will want to experience more frequently and bring to your everyday life experiences.

When you feel fulfilled in yourself what happens naturally is that people begin to be drawn to you.  You may find yourself surrounded with more friends than ever before and dating prospects will start to flow through at a constant pace.  This may be strange and overwhelming at first although it is important to know that this too is a piece of the puzzle; this part is your future.

Your future still contains pieces of your past. It is possible and vital that you encompass both parts of your life past, present and future into one.  This starts will developing a relationship with your ex especially when children are involved.  The relationship that you have in the future will be and should be so utterly different from your past relationship.  Create a working partnership focused solely on the kids. Your new relationships with other have no basis on your relationship with each other or your children.  It is possible to separate the two and at the beginning is necessary.

Your kids are so important.  I will never say the most important thing in your life because it is always important that self-preservation take a front seat in creating a life you are excited to live.  Most marriages focus too much energy on the happiness of their children therefore leading to demise.  This is why I believe that your children and their feeling are important however separate for the time being from your self-preservation.  When you are with your kids be with them fully.  Spend time with them, do homework with them, don’t allow for outside interruption.  This is most important or the first year following your divorce.  I am not saying they shouldn’t see you happy or hear about your happiness just don’t involve them in any partnership that may be involved in bringing you this happiness.

Make time for you time, personal time and kid time.  This may be the problem you found in your first marriage is that you didn’t have time enough for each individual facet of your life.  This is a mistake that needs to be avoided as your create a future you are excited about living.  When you are married you often find yourself living a life of compromise.  One of the nice parts about your divorce being over and your future being ahead of you is that you get to choose how to live it.  It is important that you take this time to do just that; go live the life that makes you excited about living again!

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com/divorce.php.

Longton Law

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Obtaining Personal Growth Throughout Your Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

For most women and men the divorce process is an unpleasant one.  Unfortunately divorce tends to play out in a very dreadful manner that leaves both parties at a loss and filled with heartache and sorrow. It also leaves both parties filled with wonderful opportunities that take time to fully discover.  For most people who end up going through a divorce the reason for the divorce is simple; they were simply incompatible and were not destined to continue with their marriage.  Many divorcees are decent people ready to move on to the next phase in their lives.  The question is how this can be accomplished while allowing the healing process to continue and providing protection to a fragile heart.

First things first don’t think that because many of your friends who have gone through a divorce and are now friends with their exes that this can easily be accomplished in your situation.  Give yourself time. You don’t need to be friends right now.  You need to conduct your relationship as you would a business for right now. You should set boundaries and rules that will allow you to continue to parent your children but that allow you to grow as individuals. If as time goes by a friendship occurs that is fine but don’t assume it needs to happen.

When it comes to preparing you for the actual legal separation find a solid divorce lawyer that has a reputation for settling through the meditation process.  Heading into a divorce considering it a war that will only be won through a deceitful, long battle is not the best option especially when children are involved. Finding a lawyer that works a well in mediation but that also has a winning record when faced with litigation is optimal.  Mediation is especially beneficial to both parties when a working relationship has been proven and similar goals are desired.  Couples that end their marriage through the mediation process often salvage a better working relationship once the divorce is finalized.

Parenting through a divorce is difficult especially in situations where parenting was a major issue of contentment in the marriage.  It is so important to remember that the only thing that matters is your children when dissolving your marriage.  Most parenting plans that work out the best are written in a format that lets the children know the plan is being written for them directly to them.  When developing a plan consider that one day this piece of paper could be shared with them.  You need to work as a team on their behalf to create a parenting plan that moves everyone in the forward direction working as one.

When it comes to parenting, the divorce and many matters that will come up in between filing and finalization it is vital that the two parties learn to agree to disagree.  You are getting a divorce for a specific reason.  There have been obvious disagreements; these may stem from finances, parenting, family issues or something else.  The reason is not important once you have decided to no longer be married to one another.  The issue still remains that you disagree.  Coming to terms with this and learning to let go and agree to disagree will help you move forward in the long run.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com/afterdivorce.php.

 

Longton Law

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Regaining Inner Power During Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When going through a divorce it is hard not to feel powerless and out of your element.  The territory of divorce is usually one that is undiscovered for most couples.  When a divorce has been decided upon it becomes imperative that you understand your rights when it comes to everything from spousal support to child custody to the division of marital assets. Many people will give you advice to follow from filing for divorce to when the divorce is final.  This advice may apply to you or not.  As quick as advice comes in it can often be discarded.  What applies to you will stick.  Below you will find a list of survival tips.  Again, most of this may not apply to your situation but it is important that you hear it and apply what is needed.

Divorce is often fought like a war.  War as we have come to know it is a long, drawn out battle between two different sides.  Conflict arises from two parties and often spreads like wild fire.  When it comes to divorce families take sides and issues come about that were long forgiven while the marriage was intact.  If at all possible try to dissolve your marriage as privately as possible. Keep the information between the two of you as much as possible.  This will alleviate a lot of stress and will keep the possibilities open for an amicable divorce through mediation.  Mediation tends to save both sides time and money by providing a joint agreement without litigation in court.

Before you actually file or think you are going to be served with papers start preparing yourself financially as well as finding a trustworthy source of legal aide. Start meeting with several lawyers to determine whose advice, results and tactics are in line with how you are feeling you would like your divorce proceeding to move forward. This will save you time when you are feeling the most fragile and allow you to be one step ahead alleviating a stressful situation from elevating to a place of no return.

Don’t allow yourself to fall into a trap. Some spouses try to convince you will end up without the means to support yourself let alone keep your children.  Believing this will only allow them to be in a power position over you and your emotions.  Don’t give into this time of emotional abuse.  Through mediation or litigation the house, custody, child and spousal support and assets will be divided.  Your spouse is not in control of this process.  You both will decide, along with the support of your divorce attorney and legal team through mediation or litigation how your joint lives will be separated into two.

The thing about divorce that makes giving concrete advice difficult is that no two divorces like any two marriages.  Marriage and divorce are made of a complex combination of pieces that don’t always apply to every situation.  Weeding through the advice that applies to you will create an individualized guide to help you move forward in any given situation including your divorce.  Take the advice that applies and apply it; disregard anything and everything that doesn’t apply as not to create any resentment that isn’t needed.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorceattorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com/afterdivorce.php.

Longton Law

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