Tag: MI Divorce - page 4

Moving Forward After Your Divorce

Posted on August 20, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

It is pretty obvious; divorce is not great for your marriage. With the obvious being stated it is important to know that women handle divorce harder than men. Don’t get me wrong divorce is hard for both men and women however truth be told men move on faster. It is tough, but not impossible to overcome divorce. Believe it or not it is actually possible to discover happiness after divorce. If you are a women who is newly divorced it is time to lose the past grief and unhappiness and move towards your future of excitement and happiness.

It is important to understand that you need to move on. I know this can be a bit intimidating but it is essential that you start viewing yourself as an independent, strong women. Moving on does not mean committing to the next relationship that comes around. It means that you should start viewing yourself as a strong independent woman. It also signals that you alone are in control of your happiness. Don’t jump into a relationship. Give yourself the opportunity to move through your divorce and into the happiness you desire.

Think about exactly what you want after your divorce and bring that to your future. Consider your thoughts on not only child custody, alimony and a possible change in location. Consider everything that affects your life after the divorce before you consider updating your relationship status.

Working with your ex is probably the last thing you are considering as you are processing your divorce. However, if you want to be happy this is one way to create it for yourself. Maintain a relationship that allows you to be cordial with your ex. To remain on terms that are at least social allows you to maintain a relationship with your ex that creates an environment that is good for your children and their future. Move towards the future, stop fighting about the past and bringing up past divorce issues.

When it comes to being happy after divorce the most important focus should always be on your children. When it comes to the children you should always focus on keeping their life completely normal. Creating this environment allows you to take your mind off the painful past and to move forward towards a future that creates a life you desire for your children

When it comes to going through a divorce focusing on your children will allow you to see a happiness you forgot was possible. If it takes therapy or seeking advice from a divorce expert move forward with that plan. Do whatever is takes to create a happiness that you experience with your children.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Longton Law

Alimony, Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Attorney For Women, Legal Representation, MI Divorce, Moms Rights in Divorce, Women In Divorce

Every Divorce Is Unique

Posted on July 30, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

Everyone knows at least one couple who has been through or is going through a divorce. When a couple is separating there are two types of friends; those that share too many details about their divorce and those who share nothing. What you need is a friend who has been through the process that is willing to lend an ear and offer advice as needed based upon their experiences. Each divorce experience is different, learn lessons and take advice from others but understand your divorce is unique.

The first thing you need to do when your considering a divorce or you find yourself served with divorce papers is to consult a reputable divorce attorney. I know, I know, that is obvious however even if you don’t thing a divorce attorney is affordable you still need to talk to one. Many offer free consultations and low cost alternatives to those who can’t afford a divorce attorney throughout their entire divorce process. Going through a divorce without any legal representation will end up costing more than just financially in the end. Even in an uncontested divorce hiring a divorce attorney is needed. Hire legal representation before signing anything that has to do with your divorce.

This too may seem obvious but many couples forget; put your children and their needs before anything else when you are going through a divorce. Children are not to be used as pawns during your divorce. They are innocent victims. Your divorce is as difficult if not more difficult on them than it is either of you. Throughout the process be conscious of your divorce and the effects it is having on your children. Their best interest is in fact the only thing the two of you must agree upon during the entire process. Children thrive in an environment that both parents are included in. Consider this before dragging them into your mess and before denying them from seeing their other parent.

Consider who you trust with information pertaining your divorce. Some advice is nice but too much can lead to issues. Don’t bring a new mate into your divorce, don’t rely on only family when going through a divorce; find one or two people to trust with the most sensitive details of your divorce and turn to them during your crisis. Involving too many people brings in to play a lot of opinions and advice that may not apply. Too many opinions cloud your judgment and can lead to rash decisions.

Consider mediation as trials are not something that is needed for every divorce or something that everyone is prepared for. When you go to trial your divorce becomes something that is then put into total stranger’s hands and is removed from yours. Divorces settled through trial can take time, a lot of money as well as expensive attorneys. Consider going through mediation with your spouse, roll up your sleeves and come up with a compromise that both of you can live with that is appropriate for the needs of your entire family.

In the end, after your divorce is finalized it is important that you remember what is important to you. The microwave and sofa might seem like trivial things when all is said and done. Think about the emotional toll that your divorce is having on you and your family when considering what is worth fighting for. From the start consider what you are hoping for by the end and don’t stress over the little things. Everything is replaceable except time with your children so consider that when mediating over each and every other minor detail of your divorce.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

48193 Riverview, Child Custody and Support, Divorce, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer For Dads, Fathers Rights In Divorce, MI Divorce, Representing Men in Family Law, Scott Longton, Trenton 48183

Divorce Done Amicably

Posted on July 30, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When you enter into marriage the assumption is that you will stay married until death do you part. No one goes in thinking about the day there marriage will end in divorce however it happens more often than not now a day. If a divorce is eminent in your relationship and you are wondering how you can stay on good terms with your ex read on. Amicable divorces are important especially when children are involved and also when it comes to mutual friends and with the division of assets and liabilities.

The first thing to remember when trying to achieve an amicable divorce is that your children should never be put in the middle of anything. They are the most important thing that you and your spouse have in common. They will always be something that you created and share together. Your children will be affected by your divorce enough as is don’t add to it by making them a part of any decisions that need to be made. Sit down and discuss a custody arrangement that works to meet both of your needs as parents remembering that your children will thrive in a situation where both parents stay equally involved in their lives. Consistency is the key when it comes to arranging a working situation and plentiful relationship with your children. A situation that is feasible for both partners will benefit your children.

When going through a divorce consider dividing the assets rationally and as peacefully as possible. When you actually sit to discuss what each of you wants and don’t want you may be surprised to find that this is an easier process than you ever thought. Your spouse may have agreed to a dog to make you and the kids happy but has no interest in keeping the pet you love so dearly. The same can be said for tangible household items and cars. Your spouse may have bought certain items to make you happy and therefore there is not any attachment to the object therefore making it easy to surrender. Of course there will be items you both hold dear; think about the division of these assets in consideration with the larger picture. This process will be a lot of give and take. The same process can be achieved with liabilities as well.

Even if you know that the divorce is going to happen counseling can still help especially when it comes to splitting on good terms. A counselor offers a safe environment to speak from the heart and talk about your shared experiences from your prospective. This process can help you understand where your spouse is coming from and vise versa.

If you are planning on staying friendly with one another it is important that you hold your tongue; this is especially important in front of family and friends. Nothing good ever comes from speaking ill of your spouse so it is best to just keep those thoughts to yourself. When you are choosing to stay in contact and on peaceful terms with your spouse speaking negatively will not help nurture the relationship you are hoping for. When it comes to your children really keep your negative feelings and thoughts to yourself. When you and your ex disagree on situations regarding the children it is best to talk about those issues in private. Your children, family and friends should not be privy to this information; issues should be kept private and dealt with in a civil manner between you and your ex only. This will keep your divorce and relationship more peaceful overtime.

Longton Law

48146 Lincoln Park, Alimony, Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Attorney For Women, Legal Representation, MI Divorce, Moms Rights in Divorce, Rockwood Michigan 48173, Women In Divorce

The Truth About Men Going Through A Divorce

Posted on June 18, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When it comes to the image of men in divorce the perceptions is far from reality. What we envision is that all men going through divorce dump wife number one for a hotter, younger version in wife number two. We see this in every Hollywood story but the fact is that movies and Hollywood are far from real life. The truth is that most marriages end not because the man has decided the marriage is over but in fact the woman. Two-thirds of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women.

The truth is that divorce often hits men far worse than women. They are emotionally unprepared and the support for men going through a divorce is far from what is available to women. Yes, the truth is that most men fare better financially in the process however when it comes to the emotional toll men are hit harder than the portrayed images we have comes to see.

Men often take the marital failure personally and believe that they should have been able to fix it before it became unglued. Fixers by nature, men have a difficult time admitting defeat. Divorce is often seen as defeat. Many men also don’t seek the emotional support that is needed with everything that divorce throws at them. They are under the illusion that support makes them seem vulnerable and week and therefore tend to take internalize the pain. This leads many into self abuse such as drinking and drugs to cope.

Men don’t handle being alone. The statistics show that after divorce men are more than eight times more likely to take their lives than their female counter parts. After divorce men that are alone often suffer from depression and typically end up in a new relationship; often times a relationship that is doomed from the beginning because it is only based on them not wanting to be alone.

When it comes to men going through divorce there is a stigma that comes with it; a code of masculinity. This stigma comes with divorce, being fired from a job and any situation that is seen as failure to a man. Thankfully many men do hit a point that they understand that the only way to move forward it to seek out support and counseling.

I have talked with many men after getting emotional help to allow them to move forward in their lives after divorce. A majority of men start to understand what their marriages were missing and gain the knowledge to correct the problem. Men often feel that if they would have had this emotional support in place before the divorce that more likely than not they would have been more apt to work with their spouse to save their marriages.

We often don’t realize it isn’t what we are giving it is what we are withholding that keeps us on the same page with our spouse. Men see this through the emotional grieving process. It is not the income they provide, the big house, the nice car but instead the attention their family craved that would have saved their marriages.

Longton Law

48193 Riverview, Child Custody and Support, Divorce, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer For Dads, Fathers Rights In Divorce, MI Divorce, Representing Men in Family Law, Scott Longton, Trenton 48183

Changes To Your Life After Divorce

Posted on June 18, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

The beginning of any new relationship is filled with blue skies, warm fuzzy feelings and all the best of emotions we can feel. As we go through the relationship process there are ups, downs and everything in between. Then one day the euphoria returns when you get engaged, plan a wedding and then get married. This is when the ups, downs and everything in between phase starts all over. There will be more highs, the birth of a child, there will be more lows, the death of a parent and there will be plenty of everything in between. Learning to live and grow through all of that is what many couples find to be overwhelming which leads to our incredibly high divorce rate here in the United States.

If you find yourself experiencing the pain involved in the divorce process it is significant that you remember that this process will also be filled a mix of emotions. Many men find themselves in a situation of little support while being determined that they need to maintain their masculinity. To many men this means not seeking the emotional support they need to grieve the loss of their marriage. There are many ways that your life with change after your divorce. Thinking about the positives that will come from the process may help along the way.

The way that you go about making decisions will change all together once you are divorced. You don’t have to come to a compromise any longer. The choices you make will all be your own. Yes, you still have to think about how your decisions will affect the people around you including your children but there will be no more “we” in the process it will be all you.

Your priorities will shift. Every moment will not be filled with wife, kids, house work and bills. You will have time to think about what you want. You will begin to realize you have control over things you never did before like what time you head to the gym, when you eat dinner as well as what you choose to eat. Your personal feelings will matter again. You won’t always be so overly concerned with what you are doing affects everyone else. You will regain some personal freedoms that just aren’t available to you when you are married.

Your goals, dreams and desires will completely change. Not every hope for the future will be surrounded with compromise. After divorce you aspirations will change and for once you can begin to dream about your future and what you alone are dreaming of. This can be thrilling and scary for newly divorced men especially a man that became used to focusing on the desires of his wife and family. My advice, embrace it and charge forward.

Take time to take care of your emotional needs. Seek support and counseling if needed. Don’t become part of the two thirds of divorce men that sink into depression and don’t seek help to move through the grieving process of their lost marriages. Seek support and be part of the one third that embraces the newly single status. Be the father you desire to be for your children while being true to yourself.

Longton Law

48193 Riverview, Child Custody and Support, Divorce, Divorce Attorney, Divorce Lawyer For Dads, Fathers Rights In Divorce, MI Divorce, Representing Men in Family Law, Scott Longton, Trenton 48183

Getting Set Financially After Divorce

Posted on June 18, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When it comes to divorce the reality is that it does not matter who filed it will be an incredibly difficult time in your life. It is important that, as a woman, that you get yourself set financially. If you file, if he files it is all the same, you need to get yourself in a position that you will be able to support yourself and your children with or without the help of your ex. When it comes to the dos and don’ts of finances in divorce there are a few tips to take into consideration either before you file for divorce or right away after he has filed.

First things first, head to the bank and separate all of your joint bank accounts. When separating accounts it is best to start fresh at a new bank for your personal accounts. This is important as it protects you and keeps your accounts protected. When separating be careful as greed often sets in along with the urge to wipe out all financial assets. This is easily avoided by creating your own personal account. Even in the most amicable of divorces financial issues arise. Do not assume because you are getting along for the moment and acting like mature adults that your divorce will continue down the same path.

The next financial aspect that needs to be looked after is joint credit cards. It is important to call creditors where joint accounts exist and explain that you are going through the divorce process. You will want to cancel all joint accounts while opening one in your own name. Don’t wait on this. As your mate is beginning a new life it may seem reasonable to them to charge their expenses during the divorce. If this occurs you are on the hook for at least half of this joint debt.

It is a good idea to start keeping track of any and all money that is being spent in a financial journal. If you have kept track in writing and have a good solid record of receipts it gives you credit when explaining your living expenses during the divorce. This gives your attorney the edge when discussing how joint money has been spent throughout the process and helps to make sure remaining funds are divided fairly.

When you are certain a separation and divorce is inevitable start writing down a list of questions you need addressed. As it is when you go to visit the doctor, your brain goes stale when it comes time to get answers to the thousands of questions you have. Keeping track along the way will help ensure everything is covered and addressed with your divorce attorney.

When looking to find a divorce attorney that specializes in women’s needs in divorce it is important that you look at their record in court and mediation. As with any professional services that are sought feel free to ask for referrals. Attorney consultations are often free. Meet with several attorneys that specialize in women going through the divorce and get a feel for how each will represent your needs throughout the divorce. You will be working one on one with this person to achieve a post divorce life so be sure you are comfortable discussing everything with this person. Unfortunately, your entire life is on display when going through a divorce.

Longton Law

Trusting Your Instincts In Divorce

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When women begin to consider divorce or start the process of filing for divorce they begin to receive lots of unwanted advice. The same thing happens to women throughout life I suppose. Consider when you first announced you were getting married, having a baby, quitting your job to stay home with your children; you name it when it involves your family and personal decisions you need to make everyone has an opinion. That is just one of the funny parts of life.

The best advice is advice not given. When it comes to your divorce, just like your marriage, it will be unique to you and so will your experiences as you proceed. There are some tips that may or may not apply to your situation. It is best to decide for yourself your next move. Do research on your own about divorce. This will help lead you into a position that allows you to think for yourself without being swayed by the tips or opinions of bitter divorcees.

When divorce is initially considered or thought of it is a good idea to meet with an attorney that specializes in women’s divorces. Find an attorney that comes with a solid reputation for defending women’s rights in divorce as well as child custody and support. Most often the initial consultation with the attorney is free even if this is not the case one hour of time with an attorney will allow you to get a good feel for their practice as well as their reputation. You will want to be comfortable with this person as you will be sharing incredibly intimate details of your marriage with them.

During this first initial meeting with a divorce attorney you should get a basic understanding on the divorce laws of your state. Each state is different when it comes to divorce laws. It is crucial to understand the laws of your state and how they apply to your situation. During this meeting you will also want to get information about attorney fees, mediation and different parenting agreements that are applicable to your situation.

Some divorces are fairly amicable and can be settled through mediation. Your divorce attorney should accompany you to any meetings set by the mediator. This is important to help protect you and your rights. Even when divorce is amicable doesn’t mean that your ex-husbands attorney will play fairly. Never sign or agree to anything involving your divorce without the advice of your divorce council present.

Before you leave the residence you share with your spouse check with your attorney. This is a decision that should not be made in haste. There are real implications when it comes to leaving the marital home during a divorce. If you find you are concerned for your safety or the safety of your children you should seek out a personal protection order, otherwise known as a PPO, or restraining order while things are settled with your divorce.

In the next installment on divorce we will look into more tips and strategies for you to investigate as you move through the divorce process. Remember one size does not fit all when you are considering a divorce and your divorce proceedings are meant to fit you.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com

Handling Your Divorce In Your Own Way

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

In our first installment regarding tips for your divorce we talked about the importance of looking out for yourself and not taking advice from other divorcees as it may not fit your divorce. We discussed looking as your divorce as its own separate entity as it is unique to you, your marriage and your situation.

A lot of times you will hear people that claim their divorce was completely amicable and they were able to settle without issue through mediation. While this sounds like a wonderful fantasy of what divorce can be it is the most likely a just that, a fantasy. No matter how cooperative you and your spouse are with each other there are bound to be phases throughout the divorce that you don’t see eye to eye. This is especially true when it comes to children and issues relating to parenting time and child support.

This is not to say that you can’t find peace in divorce and throughout yours however know that it is okay if your divorce doesn’t have a fairy tale ending. Your marriage wasn’t a fairy tale so why it is assumed that the divorce should be one is a mystery. Whenever you have third parties involved your divorce becomes trickier. This third party can be an attorney, a new love interest, children or family. When you start involving more people, more opinions come into play and with this come more aggravations. You will never be able to please everyone and in your divorce the only person you need to be concerned with pleasing is yourself while providing a best interest for your child.

When it comes to filing for divorce or being served with divorce papers one thing is true; you will never be as prepared as you will want to be. Once the situation has begun it is important to prepare yourself. Get together a list of important names and numbers that you may need in the future. You will want to also start putting together a list that includes handyman service providers, mechanics, tax preparers as well as any service you were not familiar with in your as wife and mother.

Consider finding something new outside of your divorce to learn and throw yourself into. You will find that you have spare time on your hand. The last thing that is healthy for you or for your family is to sit around and think too much. Be proactive, find something new to do. It can be something as simple as learning how to do small repairs on your car or home. Try anything to occupy your mind and gain knowledge that you didn’t previously have. Start learning about budgeting and retirement as this something you will have to reevaluate now that you may be doing this on your own.

Did your heart skip a beat when you thought about that last statement? Only let that happen this once. Strap on your big girl shoes and get on living your new life and letting go of your old life as you proceed through your divorce.

Knowing You Are Not Alone In Divorce

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let’s explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.

Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.

Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family’s legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can’t stand the test of time.

Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this “love” phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can’t be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.

When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.

Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time’s men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney’s often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.

No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

48193 Riverview, Child Custody and Support, Divorce, Divorce Attorney, Divorce For Dads, Divorce Lawyer For Dads, Family Law Michigan 48183 Trenton Michigan, Fathers Rights In Divorce, Filing For Divorce, Gross Ile MI 48138, MI Divorce, Michigan Divorce Lawyer, Representing Dads Rights, Representing Men in Divorce, Representing Men in Family Law, Scott Longton, Trenton 48183

Learning To Live Life During And After Divorce

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of. This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.

First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve. You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay. Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.

Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating. This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with. The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage. You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.

Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it. Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle. Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family. When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you. Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.

Take some time when getting back into the dating game. Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with. Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce. If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage. Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.

More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce. Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t. Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships. Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life.

Longton Law