Tag: Fathers Rights In Divorce

Co-Parenting Gives Children Stability After A Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Co-parenting is important when it comes to giving your children the stability they thrive on while continuing to have close relationships with both parents and both sides of their families.  It is not easy but co-parenting with your ex gives your children a chance to grow up in an environment that promotes family unity.  Co-parenting allows you to create a working, parenting relationship with your ex for the sake of your children.  With the following tips in mind you and your ex can remain calm, consistent while resolving to avoid conflict with one another.

It will be difficult to move past the history that is shared with your ex but joint custody arrangements help to create a new path for your children.  To begin upon this new joint venture with your ex it is crucial that you begin making shared decisions, begin interacting during drops offs and speak to one another.  It may be difficult when in reality all you want to do is forget that person but in order for your children to retain close relationships with both you and the children’s father.

One of the best ways that this can be accomplished is to begin thinking about this relationship as a new one all together.  One that is no longer about either of you but instead only centered on what is best for your children.  This is the first step in becoming a mature co-parent after your divorce.

Children will begin to realize that they are more important than the conflict that resulted in your divorce when you can put it all aside and co-parent.  No matter what the circumstance of your divorce co-parenting allows children to a variety of feelings including:

  • Security: Feeling secure is important no matter what age you are but as children it is imperative. When a child feels confident that they are loved by both parents they will adjust quicker and more easily to their divorce. This will also allow them to have a higher level of self-esteem than children of divorced parents who chose not to co-parent.
  • Children of parents whom are divorced benefit from the consistency that comes along with it. Many divorce attorneys will tell you children that are co-parented have consistently better behavior because they are under the same rules, discipline, rewards and can understand what is expected of them and what they should expect.
  • Co-parenting often fosters a better ability for children to solve their problems. They will see their parents working together thus fostering their children’s ability to effectively and peacefully solve problems that arise on their own.
  • Children with parents that are working to raise them together also create a healthy example to follow. This is a pattern that will follow them and carry them into their future relationships.

The main element involved in co-parenting is that the focus stays on the children and your children only.  This can be a hard transition but it is vital for your children’s future well being that you both chose to work together and put aside the emotions of anger, hurt and resentment you have towards one another.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Reasons The Divorce Rate Keeps Rising

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Worldwide the rate of divorce continues to rise.  Despite the fact that going through a divorce is viewed as the number one cause of stress.  Divorce causes stress for not only the two of you but for your children and extended families.  It is a difficult process to divide a lifetime of assets let alone the children within the family.  This is not to say that you should ever stay in a marriage that is unhealthy or unhappy.   When your marriage is over the process of divorce will feel like less of a difficulty and more of an end goal to a happily ever after.

The laws around the world have made it more feasible for divorces to occur.  This may be one of the many reasons that the divorce rate continues to rise.  If one partner feels that they would be better off after a divorce than continuing to live unhappily married the divorce process can begin.  In the U.S. there is a law that states no one person has to be at fault in order for a divorce to be granted.  A no-fault divorce is common now-a-days.  When proceeding with a divorce before no-fault divorces became the norm individuals had to prove fault.  One partner had to prove that their spouse was mentally incapacitated, cheating, lying, abusive or any other of the viable reasons that a divorce was better than the couple staying together and trying to work it out together.

Another reason the divorce rate is rising is that more and more women are seeking careers outside of the home.  In a society where specific roles are still seen it is difficult for many men and women to adjust to this new development.  A lot of men have been raised in a manner in which they see themselves as the sole provider for their families.  When a women seeks a job outside of the household both roles have to adjust.  It is impossible for women to be solely responsible for the household as well as holding down a full time career.  For some men this is not an easy adjustment and therefore leaves them feeling wounded and fragile egos aren’t easily repaired.

Both men and women have a lot of support and options once they have decided to get a divorce.  Support groups, counseling and therapy have become accepted in society.  Men and women are less fearful of the stigma that was present before.  Divorce is seen in movies, on television and is perceived differently than it had been in previous years.

With divorce rates increasing it is important to understand that it is crucial to have proper representation.  A divorce attorney specializing in family law will provide the best representation in divorce.  The outcome of your divorce will strongly be dependent upon the council you choose to represent you.  A divorce attorney that specializes in men’s rights in divorce will procure the best results for any man seeking a divorce.  If you are looking to create equal parenting arrangements, equal financial distribution and equality in the process as a whole seek a divorce attorney that represents your best interests.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Mistakes Men Should Avoid After Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Accepting life after your divorce is hard on everyone involved.  Even under the best of conditions men have a difficult time adjusting to single life after being married.  Make it easier on yourself, your ex and your children by avoiding these common mistakes that are most often made following a divorce.

Dating Too Soon: To many men think that jumping back into the dating game right away is a sure way to get over their ex and begin moving on with their lives.  This is far from reality. In fact dating before the dust settles on your divorce can hinder your new relationship as well as the relationship you share with your children and ex.

Just because you are feeling alone, exposed and distressed doesn’t mean you should seek out a female companion to fill the void.  Instead begin to date casually.  Don’t take on a relationship until you have figured out life as a newly divorced man.  This can take up to two years to officially happen.  Slow down your dating game and explain to anyone you are interested in dating that you have been through a tough divorce and are not ready for a committed relationship.  Recognize that the time is not right for a relationship that constrains you in anyway.

Isolating Themselves: After a divorce it is easy for men to become cut off from the rest of the world.  This is especially true when a woman gets full custody of their children.  This alone can worsen any feelings of guilt, depression and lonesomeness that is felt.  In fact divorced men are more likely to experience suicide and alcoholism.

Instead of turning to drinking and thoughts of hurting yourself turn to old friends or family members.  Join a health club, join a softball team or join a professional association through work.  All of these activities will help you avoid the feeling of despair that can be felt by men experiencing divorce.

Giving In To Hostility:  Another common mistake that men give into is the hostility they are feeling towards their ex.  Don’t continue to fight with your ex especially when children are involved.  Don’t be the enemy.  When you are co-parenting it is easy to be at odds with your ex.  You may not always get your way on how to parent your children.  Learn to take this all in stride.  Take time to manage your feelings; there needs to be a middle ground when situations arise that you go to in order to seek a mutual resolution.

Don’t yield too much of yourself or your role as a parent to your ex.  If you are willing to put in the work you will see the results in the relationship you share with your children and ex.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Shielding Children In Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

After your divorce there is nothing more precious than or as delicate as your children and their emotional state.  They need to be placed ahead of your own needs and protected from other outside emotional shock.  Before beginning to date again after your divorce in finalized you should carefully consider what is in your children’s best interest.  You must protect them in every way possible meaning you may back burner future relationships until you know for certain that your children have accepted their new lives.

Your children are feeling many mixed emotions throughout your divorce.  This is unlikely to end once the divorce decree is in hand, assets split and parenting arrangements decided upon.  They will have a variety of fears, expectations and hopes.  Your job as their parent is to help them adjust.  Support their growth and shelter them from undue stress.  Divorce is a painful experience for children and is not something that is gotten over just because yours has been finalized.

Some children find that they are incredibly angry.  Not yet having experienced an emotion this strong many young children have not learned the art of hiding the pain away. For these children parents can easily tell how a child is feeling.

Other children are quiet and withdrawn.  This type of child may seem perfectly well adjusted on the outside but distraught on the inside.  Their hurt may typically go undiscovered.  It is your job as the parent to determine where your children are at in dealing with your divorce and to seek the adequate help and guidance that they need to cope with this major life change.

It is crucial that you take the time right after your divorce to focus on your relationship with your children.  You will need to re-define who you are as a parent.  The level of attention you give to your child along with your behaviors set the tone for their healing.

This is not to say that you should only focus on them and forget about yourself. You set the pace for their healing.  Take care of your own emotional well being without getting romantically involved with anyone for a substantial period of time after your divorce is settled.  Your children are watching you with glaring focus so it is important you model to them behaviors and attitudes that are acceptable.

Children are fearful of loss after their parents have been divorced.  Jumping back into the dating game after your divorce is not a good idea. Your children will fear more loss or rejection.  Children most often see anything or anyone taking away any of the attention that they feel should be placed on them as another loss.  Take time before you start dating again to establish a strong, healthy foundation with your children.   Creating a trusting relationship with them again is important if you ever hope to have their acceptance and approval with another partner.

Right after your divorce is final you need time to learn about yourself and to explore your interests.  When you are going through this process your children are watching you as a model for themselves. They will imitate your actions within their own.  Make sure that the example you are providing for your children is one that will lead them into moving on and creating a healthy life within and with each of you separately.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Choosing a Positive Divorce For Your Children’s’ Sake

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

One of the biggest concerns that most couples have when they are considering divorce is the impact it will have on their children.  How will the children react to living with one parent over the other?  Will they understand that your divorce will actually lead to a happier and healthier life for them?  Divorce brings with it massive changes.    Your children will learn though your example.  If you choose to make the change with their well being in mind they will continue to thrive.

Children have a different perception of divorce depending on their age, gender and history with stress.  Without proper guidance even the most well adjusted, stable, resilient child can end up with emotional problems and less than desirable long term affects.  This does not have to be inevitable.  With parents who ensure that this new chapter in life is embraces children can come out of the divorce process rather unscathed.

One way that this can happen is if both parties agree to joint custody and co-parenting.  There are a number of challenges that come along with parenting during and after a divorce but if you work together they lessen dramatically.  You make have conflicts with your ex that makes this challenging.  Communicating cordially can be difficult.  There is a reason that you have decided to no longer be married.  This however should not impact the decisions that need to be made on behalf of your children.

Make choices together that benefit your children.  When co-parenting you are both spending equal amounts of time with your children.  Communicating with your ex frequently is part of making this a successful arrangement.  Co-parenting should help allow your children’s lives to remain as consistent as they can.  One of the goals with co-parenting is allowing your children to live normally between two households.  It allows children of divorce the luxury of not having to pack up a suitcase every other weekend to visit with their other parent.

Having children was a choice you made together as is every decision that is made surrounding their lives.  Just because you choose to no longer live as one family unit does not mean that your partner is not allowed to weigh in on the decisions that affect them.  Co-parenting allows you the opportunity to both remain in control of each and every aspects of parenting.  You will need to work together on a common set of rules that need to be abided by no matter which home they are in.  The transitions from one home to the other should be made without any noticeable difference to avoid any undue impact on your children.

When it comes to bigger issues or to a disagreement on how to approach an issue with the children you will be challenged.  Don’t go into battle with your ex.  This is not helpful to the end goal and will only put your children in the middle.  Depending on what the issue is will depend on how it is handled.  You can consult with a mediator, schedule time for a consultation with a co-parenting specialist or agree to disagree but support the end decision.

Consulting with a co-parenting specialist is one way in which many divorce parents make the arrangement work well.  Not every detail is one that needs to be debated.  Some issues can be resolved by doing what works well at one house verse the other.  While other issues need to be addressed the same no matter where the children are at any given moment.  A consultant specializing in the co-parenting arrangement can work with you to come up with a parenting plan that works under both roofs.  This arrangement allows for the adverse affects of divorce on your children to be as minimal as any change of this magnitude can be.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Divorce Attorney Specializing In Men’s Well Being During and After Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Did you know that women file for divorce twice as often as men?  Any man that has gone through a divorce will tell you that the experience and effects it has on them is devastating.  It is important to make good choices before getting married.  Take into account the following information to help decrease the chances of experiencing any of these devastating outcomes.

Forty percent of marriages end in divorce.  This is an unfortunate statistic.  It becomes expected that people marry and therefore often occurs in haste.  Getting married is all too simple.  Perhaps if this process was more difficult fewer marriages would end in divorce.  Take time to really get to know an individual before you choose to get married.  Perhaps take marriage classes to better prepare you for spending your lifetime learning to compromise.  Marriage is a journey of two people learning to combine their lives into one.  If either person is not committed to this there will eventually be discourse.

With divorce as common as it is blended families are the new norm.  Sixty eight percent of children between the ages of fourteen and eighteen live in a blended family.  This may be the number one reasons that teen delinquency is on the rise.  Children in blended families often feel the effects of their parents’ divorce and suffer from ever feeling whole again.  They often feel that when their parents remarry they become less important.  New love takes over a parent’s attention which can cause children to feel neglected.

When men divorce the hardest adjustment for them to make is the one with their children.  It is an adjustment when they no longer see their children on a daily basis.  For divorced dads it is important for them to focus on their children and becoming involved in their lives.  It is crucial that they seek a parenting arrangement that allows equal parenting time.  This will help secure the bond he has with his children.  The worst thing a divorced dad can do is to think that visiting his children every other weekend is acceptable.  Children will come to resent a father that sends a check each week but only chooses to be a part of his children’s lives on the weekend.

Another difficultly in divorce is splitting friends.  Couples are often made to choose sides when their friends divorce.  Many times women end up coming out on top with the friends they made as a couple.  This leaves newly divorced men seeking new connections or lonely.  If the man is fortunate he will have remained in touch with his guys friends pre-marriage and they will become more important as he reenters life as a single man.

The list of undesirable outcomes goes on and on for men devastated by divorce.  Divorce is never the end we look at when entering into marriage however as statics show it is become increasingly common.  Before you look into marriage it is crucial that you are aware of the devastation that can occur for a man if a divorce becomes inevitable.  Divorce attorneys are often quoted saying that more devastation occurs for a man when going through a divorce.  Women often seek out support where as men do not thus leaving them alone to navigate newly charted water.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Focusing On The Positive Effects Of Divorce On Your Children

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

The effects your divorce has on your children don’t all have to be negative.  Some aspects of divorce can actually affect your children in a positive manner.  If your marriage is one of unhappiness and void of love and respect your children see this hurt every day.   So even though divorce will be difficult on your children positives may occur.  Your children’s reality is built around you both as parents.  This does not mean that it is the only way in which this can occur is under the same roof.

There will be issues that come and go with having parents under separate roofs but they are not any worse than those that can arise with two parents under one roof that are not working as a one.  There are several ways in which parenting together under different roofs leaves your children better off than the alternative.

Communication is the key to ensuring your kids are not afflicted by the negative effects divorce can have on them.  The dissolution of your marriage and those issues are between the two of you and have absolutely nothing to do with the children you created together.  Leave your children out of the discussion that surround finances, property division, custody agreements and such.  Let your kids be kids.  When you are with them communicate in an appropriate manner with your ex.  Be civil enough to communicate with one another with the details surrounding visits as well as the children’s day to day life.  You don’t have to agree but those are the details that should be left out when talking with your children or when they are in ear shot.

Your children should not be expected to change the lifestyle they are accustomed to because of your divorce.  This is something that is not always possible but working together should be probable.  Money spent on your children, for your children and such is just that, money spent on the children you chose to have together.   If your children are accustomed to having a cell phone for instance, this is not an expense that is normal to be included when deciding upon a reasonable monthly child support stipend.  Make arrangements with your ex to split the bill no matter whose name the bill is under.  These situations will arise time and time again with driver’s education, school field trips or outings with friends.  Be clear that the money that is spent for child’s support if used for the basic necessities such as food, clothing and shelter.  The extras should not be expected to be taken from this fund.

The effects of your divorce on your children will depend on the two of you.  Good communication does not mean that you agree on each and every decision what is does mean is that the effects of your divorce on your children will be more positive then negative.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Planning For Summer As A Divorced Parent

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Summer is a tricky time for divorced parents.  Below you will find some hands on tips to create a summer with less stress and minimal conflict.

A key element to summer is structure.  Parents who are separated or divorced must have a plan in place that helps to define how their children time will be spent throughout the summer months.  If planning your children’s summer out together is too much for the two of you to handle alone meet with your divorce attorney’s present with a mediator to establish clearly the division of time.  This way each parent can structure their children’s summers as they see fit when they are in their custody.  If one parent is pro summer camp then set up an arrangement where they attend camp while with that parent and they also assume the cost.

Expenses throughout the summer need to be planned out carefully.  Childcare is large expense that may not have been a part of the equation in past summers.  Again, the cost of childcare is something that needs to be specifically addressed.  Clarity with these situations will help prevent surprises.  This process can be seamless with the help of your divorce attorney and a mediator.

Summer can often be a time of last minute changes.  This may not work well if you are not able to communicate with your ex-spouse.  To avoid any unnecessary conflicts for your children don’t assume that your last minute plans and changes will not be met with resistance.  When these occasions occur put yourself in their shoes.   The changes you are making may interfere with plans that they have set in stone.  Follow the written plan that is in place.  If you need to make changes or are asking for your ex to adjust time request the change in writing with as much advanced warning as possible.  Don’t put your children in the middle if your spouse declines and chooses to remain true to the schedule set in place.

Try to put all other personal conflicts aside when working out a parenting plan for the summer.  Detach yourself from other conflicts and divide them into smaller more manageable pieces.  Don’t let your feelings towards one another affect summertime fun.  Never try to outdo each other.  Your goal as parents throughout the summer should be clearly defined, financially reasonable and simple to accomplish.  It is only three months; a plan should be established and followed by both parents.

Don’t involve your children in summertime conflicts.  Make sure that summer is kept carefree and filled with memories.  Memories don’t cost money.   Make sure you understand even the simplest day trip can make a long lasting impression upon your child.  After a divorce it is especially important to understand that your children want your time and attention not fancy vacations and non-stop summer camps.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Financial Matters and Your Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

As a man it is important to protect yourself in divorce, especially in financial matters.  Below are a variety of items to have in order for discussions with your divorce attorney regarding your financial status.

Documents

Gather your financial documents.  You should take time to pull of your financial documentation together and move it to a safe location.  Make copies for your attorney to review as well.  Understand that your wife will be trying to gather the same documentation and will be going through every document she can to help gather information on your finances as well.

Bank Accounts

Collect the information together regarding bank accounts that are not only in your name but in your spouse’s name and children as well.  Don’t do anything rash with the money in your accounts before you speak with your divorce attorney.  If you have several joint accounts it is important that you discuss dividing the accounts between the two of you before your divorce is finalized.  No matter what you do don’t deplete the finances that support your family.  This will not look favorable when a judge is reviewing your case.

Credit Cards

Any joint credit cards should be closed to ensure that your spouse doesn’t go on a spending spree that leaves you responsible for half.  Close joint credit cards and notify the credit card companies that you are no longer responsible for credit cards held in your spouse’s name.

If you need credit cards it is crucial that you open new accounts with only your name on them.  These new accounts should not be linked to your old accounts or spouse in any way.

Insurance

If you are the spouse with insurance it is not appropriate to drop your spouse or your children until you have met with your divorce attorney and a judgment has been put into place by a judge.  You are the responsible party for all medical bills until your divorce is finalized and even after sometimes you may decide to keep your children and ex covered.  If you are still going to be held liable for medical expenses in your child support and alimony agreements you may decide to continue coverage.

Inventory

Take inventory of the valuables within your household.  If something within the house is of great sentimental value and you are moving out before the divorce is finalized speak with your divorce attorney about removing it.  You will want to ensure that anything of value or sentimental value is documented in the eyes of the court before selling, splitting or removing them from the house.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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Choosing The Right Divorce Lawyer

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

It is hard to know where to turn when you start going through a divorce. This is partially because few of us have had experience with the legal ins and outs.  Don’t waste time trying to find a lawyer to handle your divorce.  Follow the steps below when looking for a divorce attorney specializing in family law.

Be Realistic

Going through a divorce is an emotional journey.  This will be hard but you must be realistic when proceeding with your divorce.  The sole reason you are going through the legal process of divorce is to dissolve the assets you have built up together and to determine the best path for normalcy in your children’s lives. The job of your divorce attorney is not to sit and sympathize with you; they are there to listen but their most important role is to provide you will the best possible outcome for after your divorce.

Stay Focused

This will be harder than it sounds.  The ultimate goal is to stay focused on the end result.  Don’t get caught up in your hatred for ex.  Don’t get too sentimental over the little things when negotiating marital assets; those are just things and can be replaced.  Keep focused on your divorce, getting through the process quickly, ending up with as little financial damage and having your family unit together as much as possible.

Understand The Goal

Know what you want out of your divorce.  Are you looking for a battle where you get each and everything possible from the other person?  Do you want to get through the process with as little ill effect on yourself and your children?  Mediation, with or without the help of a divorce lawyer can often be less expensive than a full blown battle in front of a judge.  Depending on your end goal will determine what type of divorce you will have.

Interview & Research Divorce Attorney’s

Don’t necessarily hire the first attorney you meet.  It is best to meet and interview with at least three different divorce attorneys specializing in family law.  Consider each attorneys retainer fee as well as their hourly rate.  Most attorneys will not negotiate their fees.  Ask for referrals and during your consult be sure to find an attorney that is listening to you and offering you an outcome that you can agree with.

Make A Choice

Now is time to make a decision on an attorney to hire.  Take into consideration the tips above; be realistic, stay focused, know your end goal and find an attorney to represent you that remains in line with your own personal criteria.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

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