Category: Longton Law - page 6

Getting over a divorce is a long road for both men and women.  When it comes to women going through a divorce they are more apt, no matter how horrible the marriage was, to try to put life back together the way it was.  Women tend to fear change, the unknown and being alone.  If you are a women resisting the truth of your divorce read on as the information contained in this article will help you come to a place of peace with what is happening and allow you to begin again.

It is easy to over think a lot of things as women.  It is also easy to want to fix anything and everything within reach.  In your mind a divorce is fixable and this is where you are incorrect.  Once a divorce has been decided upon it is over.  Don’t blame yourself and don’t put the entire fault on yourself.  There is nothing wrong with you and your divorce is not your fault.  No one is the perfect wife or mother and even if you were there is nothing that guarantees the end result would not be the same as where you are now.  All of these thoughts are in your head.  You think having these thoughts will help you cope however this is not the case.

What needs to happen to move you past this point is to accept that it is not feasible for you to control every event that occurs within your life?  Once this happens, once you realize that you cannot accept the blame for the demise of your marriage you will realize too that it is not up to you or even possible for you to repair what is broken.  The factors of your martial break up are out of your control.  You cannot control how your ex-husband thinks and feels you cannot repair him.  It is significant that you come to realize this sooner than later so that you are able to move on and stop trying to fix something that is impossible to repair.

Once you get here the next step is learning who you are, finding your own way and teaching yourself how to make decisions on your own once again.  For years you have been compromising and taking into consideration someone else’s needs and desires.  This will no longer be the case.  You will need to learn how to think for yourself and only your interests.  As exciting as this sounds and no matter how ready you are to embrace this it is a whole lot tougher than one would think.

Regaining an opinion is something that you will want to take time to learn how to do again.  The best way to establish some boundaries to begin to think again for yourself is to start simple.  Purchase a journal and take time to explore the things in your life that you clearly don’t want.  Sometimes it is simpler to start with the things we are sure don’t represent the life we are interested in leading.  Once you have a substantial list of the things you don’t want in your knew life comes the hard part.  For everything you don’t want make a specific page for the exact opposite of that; this will represent all the things in life you do want.  Now you can continue to fill each page with things that fall under what makes you happy and what you want.

The last thing is to throw away the image you have of yourself as someone’s wife.  Create a new image of who you are.  Look in the mirror, throw some rocks in the water, and discover exactly who you are all over again.  Many women marry young and lose their identity along the way.

The “I” becomes “we” and “you” become “us”.  Once you see yourself as a unique individual once again you will be shocked at all the things you had compromised along the way.  Maybe you took of fishing to spend time with your mate but in reality that is the last thing in the entire world you would ever do on your own.  Gather a new foundation based solely on your wants, needs and desires for your future.   In the end you can truly end up a better person than you ever were before when your needs are finally being met especially when you are the one allowing that to happen.

For women going through the divorce process regular everyday life can become hard to figure out.  Most women get married early in life before they have had time to truly find their own identity.  This makes it extremely hard when the only thing that has identified you for years, your husband and children are suddenly not the same.  When you have given up everything and are left without anything a mix of emotions can run through you: anger, fear, betrayal, sadness and depression.

Going from living with your family and having other people in on every decision that is made to being the sole decision maker is frightening.  At first it will be difficult to adjust to deciding things on your own for you and for your children but with time and a few tweaks and adjustments in your thought process you will come out just fine in time.

 Divorce does give you a sense of freedom you may not have ever had before.  This is especially true in cases that joint custody has been arranged.  Every other week you are on your own.  Breathe!  At first this is a very scary and unique feeling.  It is one that has never been experienced prior to the divorce. Coming home to a house without anyone else in it can soon become liberating.  You don’t have to rush home from work as no one is waiting upon you for dinner.  You can stop at the book store, get take out and sit in a long hot bath for the entire night.  No one but you is responsible for your decisions any longer.

Yes, women will feel sadness, disappointment and hurt when going through a divorce.  This is a very natural feeling and in time will lessen.  Whether you wanted a divorce or not will not matter.  You will feel let down, either by the way he treated you throughout the marriage or because you could fix it and make the dream a reality.  It will hit you like a brick.  Some days you will think you are perfectly fine and then wham; it will hit you that you are no longer married.

At times you will feel incredibly angry.  You are now on your own financially on your own and are left with the majority of responsibility when it comes to your children.  Anger is a real fierce emotion and you will experience it for a while.  Take time to be angry just make sure that you do this on your own time and not when your children are around.

Yes, it is easy to be angry when you are paying bills, doing dishes, folding laundry and carpooling all alone but this is never a child’s fault.  Anger should be placed in the right direction.  Perhaps now is the time to find a support system to release some of these built up emotions?

The hard part when it comes to divorce is your experience will be completely unique to you.  No one will be able to predict the emotions you will go through during the course of your divorce and for a period of time after.  Let these feeling come and go as they will.  As time goes on you will begin to heal and will find that the emotions have run their course.  You will feel normal once again. It is only a matter of time.  There is no right way or wrong way to process your emotions.

Just be sure to keep yourself happy and healthy for your children and for yourself.  The sooner these emotions take over your life the sooner you will be back on track to living free from the chaos of your divorce.

The first question many of fathers ask upon meeting with a divorce attorney is; how can I win my child custody battle?  When fathers in divorce ask this question it may not be all about winning however about getting the best results for themselves and their children.  It may be about joint custody, sometimes it is about ensuring that they still have a say in parenting decisions and reasons that vary depending upon the situation at hand.

As a divorce attorney it is our job to look at the entire situation and make sure that the children’s best interests are met throughout the divorce process including in child custody arrangements.  Most fathers end up seeking joint custody and shared parenting.  In most divorce cases when one parent is awarded sole custody the children’s best interest is not being met. We do our best to represent fathers throughout the process of divorce.  Here are some mistakes to avoid making when going through a separation, divorce and child custody situation.

The first mistake many father make is leaving the marital home before they have consulted with an attorney.  Don’t feel pressured to move out of your home and leave your children behind.  When you are separated from your home and children you are hurting your case and your children.  It is important to seek council to develop a parenting plan of action to decide the next step in the process.

Another mistake that fathers often make is not spending enough time with their children.  It is important for all parties involved to stay active in their lives.  Still attend softball games and take them to soccer practice.  Take them to the park, go swimming and play games with them no matter what part of the divorce process you are involved in.  It is important to maintain their lives and routine.  If you have your children during the school week sit and take time to help with homework and touch base with their teachers.  Your children will excel if you remain an important part of their daily routine.  If you aren’t able to physically be with them stay in touch via facetime, skype or frequent phone calls. All of this will benefit your custody goals as well as your relations ship with your children.

When it comes time to dealing with your ex widen your view point.  It is time to treat her like a business partner, bringing too much emotion when it comes to child custody is not helpful.  You want to maximize your case and results and this will take some control of emotion.  Don’t get livid or malicious, maintain yourself.  Your composure will be helpful when it comes time to deliberate child custody and support agreements.

Divorce is never easy especially when children are involved.  It becomes personal no matter how hard you try to prevent that from happening.  Prevent over sharing with you children, they should never be burdened with your feelings towards their mother.  Your stress should not be theirs.  Make sure you are receiving adequate support and that you are able to discuss your feelings with someone that can assist you in making sense of them and moving forward.

When it comes to getting a divorce there is nothing easy about it.  Every detail of the process can seem overwhelming but when it comes to hiring a divorce attorney it doesn’t have to be.  This is the person that you will turn to and rely on as your progress through the divorce process. Your divorce attorney is the one that will fight for you and your rights when it comes to everything from child custody to who is the rightful owner of the lamp you were given by some obscure relative when you were married 12 years ago.

You can imagine the decision to hire an attorney should be more of a process than scanning through the yellow pages to find the biggest ad.  You will also not that hiring a divorce attorney is not a simple as calling up the firm that helped draw up your will. You will need to do some research into local family law lawyers and find one that is experienced in divorce and mother’s rights.  When you hire a family law attorney you are hiring an individual that has significant trial experience and has passed several rigorous law exams to become specialized in the field.   A board certified family law specialist is the only type of attorney to hire to handle the ins and outs of your divorce.

You will know that you have found the right attorney to handle your divorce during your first consultation.  If you meet with an attorney that can’t speak to you in plain English that is not the attorney for you.  The divorce attorney you want representing you can speak to you in plain English and does not get overly involved in the technical jargon to speak to you about your case and how it will proceed.  Right away you will know if the individual is someone you can talk freely with, if you are comfortable with them and if they are trust worthy.  During a divorce many personal and intimate details about your marriage are displayed.  You will want to make sure your attorney is someone that you can openly speak with and get answers that you understand.

When you are going through a divorce and you have children involved it is especially important that you find an attorney that will be looking out for your best interest as a mother.  Divorce attorneys for moms are attorneys that have trained to fight for mother’s rights in divorce, child custody and support issues.  They will understand that your children’s best interest is what is at hand and will pursue reasonable child custody and support agreement.

When it comes to negotiating the terms of your divorce and child custody arrangements the model family law attorney will be available to you, will be a great problem solver and will work well in negotiations between you, your ex and the court.  Even if you and your spouse plan to mediate and come to an agreement outside of the jurisdiction of the court it is important to note that the best laid plans are often just that plans.  When hiring attorney representation you are hiring not only someone able to mediate for your best interest but someone that in the end if necessary will stand representing you in a divorce trial if needed.

When it comes to picking out a knife that is right for you it all comes down your personal preferences.  Here are some questions to ask yourself when you are looking to finally spend money on a quality knife.

The first question and perhaps the most important; how will the knife be used?  There are knives designed for all purposes from backpacking and hunting to opening boxes and cutting twine.  They also have knives that are for collecting and some for saving lives.  Obviously the knife you choose will depend on what you are using it for.  It is important to define what you are looking for as far as the use of the knife.

Significance is also found in the features that matter to you in a knife.  One feature to look into is the type of blade that you prefer.  Fixed blades are superior in strength, dependable and always ready to use. However, folding knives are compact and easy to carry.  With today’s technology and locking blade options, folding blades are becoming more desirable than ever before. Other features to think about with the blade include tolls such as gutting, skinning, thickness, sharpness, double blade or saw blade edged.  The blade features are considerable.  One knife may not have everything you are looking for.  That’s when you buy two or three!

The handle is another area to consider when choosing the right knife. A solid knife handle is important.  The more durable the material of the handle, the more you can plan to spend on the piece.  You will want to test the handle in your hand to make sure the fit is correct and that the construction of the piece is what you would expect from the price.   You will find several materials and styles to choose from when it comes to the knives handle.  All weather knives will come textured or with rubber to help with the grip.

Craftsmanship and quality are important as well.  A knife is something that you need to be able to rely on. Check to make sure the knives design fits the intend purpose of the knife.  A small fixed blade knife is not going to be suitable for survival purposes.  Also check to ensure the materials will hold up to the demands that you will put on the knife.  A plastic handle on a gutting or skinning knife will not withstand the stress.

If you have chosen a folding knife is it durable as well as being easy to open and close?  If the knife is a folding lock back knife does it lock properly?  Does the knife seem to collapse and open seamlessly?  Check out the edge of the knife blade and make sure it is able to be sharpened to the original quality.  A characteristic that should come with all superior knives is a lifetime warranty against any defects and craftsmanship.  When you are spending money on a quality knife you will want a guarantee to back what they are advertisers are marketing.

Divorce is an event that changes your life forever.  Going through the process of separation, divorce and child custody arrangements changes you and leaves you going through a wide variety of feelings and a decrease in your sense of self.  Not only are you facing challenges emotionally as a mom going through divorce but also a list of other difficulties including finding a place to call home and a way to finance your new life.  In order to bring order and assurance to your new life as a single women or single mom there are some things you can help you through the process.

The first key in moving on in your new life as a single women and mother is to learn forgiveness as well as to let go of the past and move into the present.  You may not see eye to eye with your ex but learning to let go of everything that is not within your control.  When you spend your days regretting the past the future will be wasted.  For your sake and for your children’s future you must move past the bitterness that comes with the divorce process.  Create a future based on forgiveness and moving forward.

Create room in your life and the lives of your children for friends and supportive relationships of all kinds.  Seek out positive experiences, this will create a life full of everything positive and will allow you to begin to see the good in life.  Bring people into your life that was not involved in the chaos of your marriage and divorce.  Allow yourself to become encompassed by friends that know you’re moving forward and not looking back.  Don’t allow your support system to bring you back into the pandemonium of your divorce.

From the minute that a divorce is eminent you need to take time for yourself.  Take some time to enjoy a new or old interest.  Consider taking on an outdoor sport to give yourself some alone time.  Fresh air and outdoor adventures are some of the best ways to let off steam and regain a sense of self.  Harmony to oneself is the best resent you can give to yourself and your children.

While you are married you have to compromise on everything from the brand of toilet paper you use, where you live and how many kids you will have.  Compromise is involved in each step along the way with marriage.  Once you are separated, you begin to be in complete control of all the decisions in your life.  You can choose where you vacation with the kids, pick out the shampoo that will be in the shower and what type of car you will drive.  Excitement comes with discovering your likes and dislikes without any need for compromise.

Eat healthy and learn to do things to take care of your health and well-being.  A change in diet and exercise can help you beat depression and improve your overall attitude.  It is a perfect time to see your physician so that together you can discuss the changes happening in your life as well as ways to ensure you to have health.

Remember your children through the divorce.  Communicate with them and remind them that the demise of your marriage is in no way shape or form because of them.  They did nothing to cause the divorce and nothing they could have done or would have done differently would have led the marriage to be saved.  Children have a lot of guilt when they learn their parents are divorcing.  Spend time with your children doing things outside of the house and the realm of the divorce.  Keep the messages you send them positive and upbeat.  Never burden them with the issues surrounding the divorce.

When you take these tips into consideration and truly focus on moving forward in a positive manner you can avoid the trauma associated with modern day divorce.

Getting through a divorce and getting over your divorce are two very different things.  Both are difficult, but getting back into the single life after the divorce puts your life in a different ball game all together. It is important to get back into the game of life sooner than later for you and for your children.  Below you will find some tips to help you start living life and moving on to bigger and better pastures.

The first piece of advice I would give to any man in a divorce or after a divorce is to take some time to grieve. The loss that you are grieving is real.  You have lost your spouse and in some cases time with your children. It is normal to mourn as you are going through a momentous change.  Go through each step of the process; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and then jump back into the game of life.

Keep tabs on how you are feeling from day to day.  Keep a journal of your day to day emotions.  Don’t jump back into the dating pool right away.  Take time to explore yourself and determine who you are, what your likes and dislikes are and figure out exactly what you want for the future for yourself and for your children.  Don’t feel the pressure to be with someone, dating brings on compromise and at this point in time the last thing you need is to do is think about anybody but yourself and your children.

When it comes to dating as a divorced man especially if you are a single father to boot it is important to take time to really focus on learning who you are and what you want.  The phrase “play the field” comes to mind but just be careful when as you do so.  Don’t involve your children in the chaos of your dating life.  Let them be kids and let them have your undivided attention when you have time with them.  If you are one of the lucky dads that gets primary custody or joint custody use your time with your children to make their lives as normal as possible and leave your dating life for the times when you are without kids.

It is important that you re-build your life.  The environment in which you live will say a lot about your overall mental state of mind for yourself and for your children.  Bring together pieces of your lives throughout the years to make your new home theirs.  This does not mean that you have to bring in pictures of your ex or anything like that however bring in pictures of the kids, vacations taken.  Make sure the kids have comforts of life wherever they are.  This will ensure that they are at home where ever they are.

As a divorced parent, being a dad is your most important job.  Taking care of yourself and your children after your divorce will leave you with the relationships you wish for in the future.

Divorce is not easy; this is the understatement of the year!  All people in a family are affected by a divorce.  Spouses, children, in-laws, everyone is affected to some degree.  For children the divorce of their parents is often a very traumatic experience no matter how smooth the transition and no matter how old children are.  It is hard for children to understand and come to terms with the fact that the two people they love are now going to be divorce.

Children often feel at fault or to blame when their parents separate.  Often, this makes little sense to adults however children find a way to associate everything back to them and see fault.  Kids going through a parents’ divorce struggle to find ways to prevent the divorce.  The “what ifs” and “if I did this” keep running through children’s minds.

As parents we are struggling with the impending divorce as well.  We worry about our finances, about becoming single again and about the next step.  It is often hard to remember that you aren’t the only person worried about all of this.  Children are notorious worriers about things that they have little to no control over.  As parent’s going through a divorce it is our job to alleviate and manage the burden felt by our children as we sort out the bigger issues.

The first crucial moment for children is when their parents sit down to tell them that they are indeed going to get a divorce.  Breaking this news is heartbreaking as well as difficult.  Don’t ever break the news of an impending divorce, to children, in the heat of the moment.  It should be a time when you come together as a family to properly explain what is happening and why.  The better prepared you are for this step the less misunderstandings and worry there will be for your children.

These are you children together and it is important for both parents to remember this.  Children are incredibly impressionable and no matter what the reason is for the divorce all children see is how much they love both of you.  They will have a hard time seeing why the two of you no longer love one another.  It is so crucial that as a family unit, time is taken to explain this.  Also take the worry and anxiousness out of the situation by explaining in detail the next step, where will everyone be living, what is happening and when it will happen.

The issue of child custody and child support will arise throughout the process, this is inevitable.  Don’t burden your children with this.  Work to come to a consensus with your partner and if this is not possible the judge in the case will make arrangements based on the information provided to make sure your children are as affected as minimally as possible in the given situation.

Although through the divorce you may have ill-will towards your partner this is not anything that should be expressed in front of your children.  They are your children together and they love you both equally.  Children are not a pawn and should not be used as one. To do so is irresponsible and harmful to them.  Nothing good comes from putting your children in the middle of any argument you are having.

As always be clear with your children.  No matter how old they are there is a way to convey information about the situation in an age appropriate manner.  As parents this is your obligation to them.  Your children will thank you as they grow for making the process less burdensome on them.  They will see the world and will appreciate the manner in which you proceeded to handle the difficulties of divorce when you are honest in your communication with them.

Beginning the divorce process is one of the hardest decisions in life.  It comes with much stress, anticipation and uncertainty.  Some of the things that may be going through your mind are about finances, living arrangements and the future.

In this article we will work to help you get a grasp of the uncertainty that comes with filing for a divorce in Michigan and offer tips to ensure a successful transition.

How will I survive financially without my spouse’s income?

The first step is to determine how many expenses that you will have on your own.  Look at your housing expensive (rent and utilities), vehicle, insurance, credit cards and money for living expenses.   It is not wise to include spousal support or child support arrangements until this has been set in stone.  Be prepared to do it on your own.

Next determine what special assistance you may be entitled to.  Look into local, state and federal assistance and changes in your status that will assist you.  For instance locally you may be able to receive a reduction in your Council Tax bill as a single adult household.  State assistance may be given in child care credits and federal assistance in the form of tax credits and programs such as bridge card assistance.

You will want to contact your bank and inform them that a divorce is imminent and open up an account in only your name that you alone have access to.  Make sure that you place money that is yours into an account that cannot be touched by your spouse.  You will need your own funds no matter how confident you are in the beginning that things will be smooth and everyone will agree on divorce settlements things change in the heat of the moment.  The most congenial people can turn bitter fast within divorce proceedings.

Where we I live during the divorce proceedings and after?

Contact a real estate professional immediately if you believe that neither you nor your spouse will be in the market to stay within the marital home.  This enables the home to be put on the market and hopefully sold during the divorce.  From here you will determine what is owed on the home and what the value of the home is.  This will help both parties estimate how much they will be able to afford in a new home as well as how much money they can expect from the sale of the marital home.

If you will be staying in the home you will need to make arrangements to get a mortgage in your own name.  Many times this can be achieved with a property adjustment order.  This allows one spouse to remain in the home, with the children, until a later agreed upon date.  This is achieved with a Financial Consent Order and is a way in which both couples are required to contribute to the homes mortgage payment.

What will I do now? What does the future hold for me?

You will need to determine where your income will come from.  Will you work full-time, part-time and how does this affect child care?  If you are not already in the job market you will want to sharpen your skills with schooling or training right away to ensure that you will be able to support yourself and your family.  You will be relying on a single income make sure you are in a career that can sustain your lifestyle.  It may be time to re-discover a passion that will supplement your income as well.  Often times side hobbies start to turn into an additional source of income when living through a divorce.  Consider selling your paintings, getting into part time photography or even selling up cycled furniture.  Whatever your hobbies are before the divorce can often supplement your income substantially.

Divorce is never easy on anyone.  Being prepared is one way to decrease the amount of anxiety you will feel when making the first steps towards divorce.

The word divorce brings so many different emotions with it.  For some people the emotions that are brought on with divorce create stress that is so deep it interferes with everything else in their lives.  Functioning from day to day when the stress of an impending divorce looms over is a lot for most people to handle.  One of the best things that you can do for yourself is to learn to cope and move on from the stress, learn to relax and move forward and let the cards play out as they will.  The extra worry that you carry with you will not make the tide turn any more in your favor than it will have without it.  What will help you is to take care of yourself. Put yourself out there, begin to exercise, eat healthy and work to begin producing positive energy and thoughts.

If you recognize that you are not handling the stress brought on by your divorce there are many things that you can do to turn that cycle into something better focused.  Less stress leaves you healthier and better equipped for life when the divorce dust settles.  This is also true for kids going through divorce and especially difficult child custody arrangements, stress can turn them into people we no longer recognize.

Tips on Relieving the Burden of Stress a Divorce Causes

The first tip is to get help for all of the emotional needs that are being felt.  Talking with a trained professional is in everyone’s best interest during this most difficult time.  The difference between talking with friends and an impartial third party is the advice that is given on getting you back.  Friends easily sway back into the dwellings of the past where as a professional therapist is moving you out of the past and into the future that awaits you.

Make sure you are moving your body. Stress is not able to physically grab hold of bodies who are focused and moving forward.  Keep your children involved in extra-curricular sports and find a walking club to join or a gym to go to.  It is amazing what your body is capable of while releasing all of the negative.

Make time to do stuff for your needs.  Sit in the tub, read a book, go on a vacation or turn your phone off and have a staycation.  These are times you need to have for yourself and for your family.  Your kids will appreciate the person you are when you are refreshed and rejuvenated.

This tip is huge for both you and for the kids.  Allow yourself to feel every emotion that is flooding into you.  Emotions will range from grieving to elation and everything in between and out of there.  You will feel it, they will feel it and all of that is healthy.  Feeling it and dwelling on it are two different things.  Don’t dwell on it as that won’t get you anywhere near where you need to be.

Lastly change your outlook.  Change what you expect out of yourself and others.  It is okay to be in control but it is also okay to let other help you. There is a difference between being controlled and allowing someone to help you.  It is okay to realize that and allow yourself to change your expectations towards yourself and your relationships with others.

Divorce is difficult but is even harder when you allow yourself to be buried with stress and burden.