Category: Longton Law - page 5

Trusting Your Instincts In Divorce

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When women begin to consider divorce or start the process of filing for divorce they begin to receive lots of unwanted advice. The same thing happens to women throughout life I suppose. Consider when you first announced you were getting married, having a baby, quitting your job to stay home with your children; you name it when it involves your family and personal decisions you need to make everyone has an opinion. That is just one of the funny parts of life.

The best advice is advice not given. When it comes to your divorce, just like your marriage, it will be unique to you and so will your experiences as you proceed. There are some tips that may or may not apply to your situation. It is best to decide for yourself your next move. Do research on your own about divorce. This will help lead you into a position that allows you to think for yourself without being swayed by the tips or opinions of bitter divorcees.

When divorce is initially considered or thought of it is a good idea to meet with an attorney that specializes in women’s divorces. Find an attorney that comes with a solid reputation for defending women’s rights in divorce as well as child custody and support. Most often the initial consultation with the attorney is free even if this is not the case one hour of time with an attorney will allow you to get a good feel for their practice as well as their reputation. You will want to be comfortable with this person as you will be sharing incredibly intimate details of your marriage with them.

During this first initial meeting with a divorce attorney you should get a basic understanding on the divorce laws of your state. Each state is different when it comes to divorce laws. It is crucial to understand the laws of your state and how they apply to your situation. During this meeting you will also want to get information about attorney fees, mediation and different parenting agreements that are applicable to your situation.

Some divorces are fairly amicable and can be settled through mediation. Your divorce attorney should accompany you to any meetings set by the mediator. This is important to help protect you and your rights. Even when divorce is amicable doesn’t mean that your ex-husbands attorney will play fairly. Never sign or agree to anything involving your divorce without the advice of your divorce council present.

Before you leave the residence you share with your spouse check with your attorney. This is a decision that should not be made in haste. There are real implications when it comes to leaving the marital home during a divorce. If you find you are concerned for your safety or the safety of your children you should seek out a personal protection order, otherwise known as a PPO, or restraining order while things are settled with your divorce.

In the next installment on divorce we will look into more tips and strategies for you to investigate as you move through the divorce process. Remember one size does not fit all when you are considering a divorce and your divorce proceedings are meant to fit you.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com

Handling Your Divorce In Your Own Way

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

In our first installment regarding tips for your divorce we talked about the importance of looking out for yourself and not taking advice from other divorcees as it may not fit your divorce. We discussed looking as your divorce as its own separate entity as it is unique to you, your marriage and your situation.

A lot of times you will hear people that claim their divorce was completely amicable and they were able to settle without issue through mediation. While this sounds like a wonderful fantasy of what divorce can be it is the most likely a just that, a fantasy. No matter how cooperative you and your spouse are with each other there are bound to be phases throughout the divorce that you don’t see eye to eye. This is especially true when it comes to children and issues relating to parenting time and child support.

This is not to say that you can’t find peace in divorce and throughout yours however know that it is okay if your divorce doesn’t have a fairy tale ending. Your marriage wasn’t a fairy tale so why it is assumed that the divorce should be one is a mystery. Whenever you have third parties involved your divorce becomes trickier. This third party can be an attorney, a new love interest, children or family. When you start involving more people, more opinions come into play and with this come more aggravations. You will never be able to please everyone and in your divorce the only person you need to be concerned with pleasing is yourself while providing a best interest for your child.

When it comes to filing for divorce or being served with divorce papers one thing is true; you will never be as prepared as you will want to be. Once the situation has begun it is important to prepare yourself. Get together a list of important names and numbers that you may need in the future. You will want to also start putting together a list that includes handyman service providers, mechanics, tax preparers as well as any service you were not familiar with in your as wife and mother.

Consider finding something new outside of your divorce to learn and throw yourself into. You will find that you have spare time on your hand. The last thing that is healthy for you or for your family is to sit around and think too much. Be proactive, find something new to do. It can be something as simple as learning how to do small repairs on your car or home. Try anything to occupy your mind and gain knowledge that you didn’t previously have. Start learning about budgeting and retirement as this something you will have to reevaluate now that you may be doing this on your own.

Did your heart skip a beat when you thought about that last statement? Only let that happen this once. Strap on your big girl shoes and get on living your new life and letting go of your old life as you proceed through your divorce.

Knowing You Are Not Alone In Divorce

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let’s explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.

Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.

Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family’s legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can’t stand the test of time.

Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this “love” phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can’t be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.

When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.

Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time’s men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney’s often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.

No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Longton Law

48193 Riverview, Child Custody and Support, Divorce, Divorce Attorney, Divorce For Dads, Divorce Lawyer For Dads, Family Law Michigan 48183 Trenton Michigan, Fathers Rights In Divorce, Filing For Divorce, Gross Ile MI 48138, MI Divorce, Michigan Divorce Lawyer, Representing Dads Rights, Representing Men in Divorce, Representing Men in Family Law, Scott Longton, Trenton 48183

Learning To Live Life During And After Divorce

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of. This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.

First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve. You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay. Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.

Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating. This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with. The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage. You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.

Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it. Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle. Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family. When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you. Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.

Take some time when getting back into the dating game. Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with. Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce. If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage. Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.

More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce. Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t. Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships. Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life.

Longton Law

Enjoying Your Life Once Your Divorce Is Final

Posted on April 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When your marriage ends one life ends and a new one begins. The problem is that not everyone is ready for this to happen. Sometimes one partner in the marriage was not willing to accept that the marriage was ending and therefore the process of moving on and letting go of the past is more difficult than it should be. Below you will find some tips on letting go, moving on, jump starting your future and finding peace.

First things first; come clean with all of your emotions and realize that your life will continue after the end of your marriage. The feelings that you will have guarantee to run the gamut of emotions as well as to change frequently. You naturally will feel blame, pity, anger, worthlessness and insecure. On another spectrum you may feel free, liberated, useful and unrestricted. How you feel is uniquely personal. Feel what you feel. It is okay to go through each emotion feeling it completely. It is also perfectly normal to let it go. Eventually you will come to the point where your marriage and divorce no longer defines you and you will understand that your marriage will be like a cruise; something you did once before a long time ago.

Some people I meet with you are on the verge of filing for divorce are hanging on out of fear of being alone. Before there were two you were one and believe it or not you survived. Just as you have done in the past you will survive on your own. Being in a broken marriage is far lonelier than actually being on your own and creating a new life for yourself. It is reasonable to grieve for your loss or the marriage that you assumed you would be in however as with grieving in death there will come a time when you can start to move forward.

The next step may seem impossible at first but is as necessary as any. Make time to allow yourself to feel good. Stop burning daylight and get on course to living your new life; a life that you create where you can do or be anything you put your mind to. This will hit you like a ton of bricks. You won’t notice it happening but one day it will have happened and it will hit you. All of a sudden you will be living a meaningful, productive life. You will find yourself taking time in the morning making yourself feel good, you will wear clothing to feel good and that makes you feel attractive. Be it trying a new sport, wearing a new style of clothes or finally cutting your hair is a style you never contemplated before you will find yourself living life for yourself and no one else. You will have found time to be you and you will feel good about it.

In our next installment on life after divorce we will focus on accepting the next step and jump starting your future now that you have accepted your marriage is over and you are on to living for yourself.

Longton Law

48183 Trenton Michigan, Award of Divorce, Complaint for Divorce, Family Law Attorney, Fathers in Divorce, Filing for Divorce in Michigan, Gross Ile MI 48138, Michigan Divorce Lawyer, Representing Men’s Rights in Divorce, Steps Involved in Filing for Divorce

Making Time For Your Future When Your Divorce Is Final

Posted on April 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

In our last installment on marriage and divorce we talked a lot about learning to accept that your marriage has ended and that a new life awaits you. We discussed taking steps that create a life worth living and one that is focused on making yourself happy. Finally feeling worthy of feeling good is something that may take some time but when it finally happens and it hits you the sensation is one that you will want to experience more frequently and bring to your everyday life experiences.

When you feel fulfilled in yourself what happens naturally is that people begin to be drawn to you. You may find yourself surrounded with more friends than ever before and dating prospects will start to flow through at a constant pace. This may be strange and overwhelming at first although it is important to know that this too is a piece of the puzzle; this part is your future.

Your future still contains pieces of your past. It is possible and vital that you encompass both parts of your life past, present and future into one. This starts will developing a relationship with your ex especially when children are involved. The relationship that you have in the future will be and should be so utterly different from your past relationship. Create a working partnership focused solely on the kids. Your new relationships with other have no basis on your relationship with each other or your children. It is possible to separate the two and at the beginning is necessary.

Your kids are so important. I will never say the most important thing in your life because it is always important that self-preservation take a front seat in creating a life you are excited to live. Most marriages focus too much energy on the happiness of their children therefore leading to demise. This is why I believe that your children and their feeling are important however separate for the time being from your self-preservation. When you are with your kids be with them fully. Spend time with them, do homework with them, don’t allow for outside interruption. This is most important or the first year following your divorce. I am not saying they shouldn’t see you happy or hear about your happiness just don’t involve them in any partnership that may be involved in bringing you this happiness.

Make time for you time, personal time and kid time. This may be the problem you found in your first marriage is that you didn’t have time enough for each individual facet of your life. This is a mistake that needs to be avoided as your create a future you are excited about living. When you are married you often find yourself living a life of compromise. One of the nice parts about your divorce being over and your future being ahead of you is that you get to choose how to live it. It is important that you take this time to do just that; go live the life that makes you excited about living again!

Longton Law

Obtaining Personal Growth Throughout Your Divorce

Posted on April 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

For most women and men the divorce process is an unpleasant one. Unfortunately divorce tends to play out in a very dreadful manner that leaves both parties at a loss and filled with heartache and sorrow. It also leaves both parties filled with wonderful opportunities that take time to fully discover. For most people who end up going through a divorce the reason for the divorce is simple; they were simply incompatible and were not destined to continue with their marriage. Many divorcees are decent people ready to move on to the next phase in their lives. The question is how this can be accomplished while allowing the healing process to continue and providing protection to a fragile heart.

First things first don’t think that because many of your friends who have gone through a divorce and are now friends with their exes that this can easily be accomplished in your situation. Give yourself time. You don’t need to be friends right now. You need to conduct your relationship as you would a business for right now. You should set boundaries and rules that will allow you to continue to parent your children but that allow you to grow as individuals. If as time goes by a friendship occurs that is fine but don’t assume it needs to happen.

When it comes to preparing you for the actual legal separation find a solid divorce lawyer that has a reputation for settling through the meditation process. Heading into a divorce considering it a war that will only be won through a deceitful, long battle is not the best option especially when children are involved. Finding a lawyer that works a well in mediation but that also has a winning record when faced with litigation is optimal. Mediation is especially beneficial to both parties when a working relationship has been proven and similar goals are desired. Couples that end their marriage through the mediation process often salvage a better working relationship once the divorce is finalized.

Parenting through a divorce is difficult especially in situations where parenting was a major issue of contentment in the marriage. It is so important to remember that the only thing that matters is your children when dissolving your marriage. Most parenting plans that work out the best are written in a format that lets the children know the plan is being written for them directly to them. When developing a plan consider that one day this piece of paper could be shared with them. You need to work as a team on their behalf to create a parenting plan that moves everyone in the forward direction working as one.

When it comes to parenting, the divorce and many matters that will come up in between filing and finalization it is vital that the two parties learn to agree to disagree. You are getting a divorce for a specific reason. There have been obvious disagreements; these may stem from finances, parenting, family issues or something else. The reason is not important once you have decided to no longer be married to one another. The issue still remains that you disagree. Coming to terms with this and learning to let go and agree to disagree will help you move forward in the long run.

Longton Law

Divorce Attorney, Divorce Attorney Representation South Rockwood 48179, Family Law, Michigan Divorce Lawyer, Moms Rights in Divorce, Representing Women in Divorce, Trenton Michigan Divorce lawyer 48183

Regaining Inner Power During Divorce

Posted on April 15, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

When going through a divorce it is hard not to feel powerless and out of your element. The territory of divorce is usually one that is undiscovered for most couples. When a divorce has been decided upon it becomes imperative that you understand your rights when it comes to everything from spousal support to child custody to the division of marital assets. Many people will give you advice to follow from filing for divorce to when the divorce is final. This advice may apply to you or not. As quick as advice comes in it can often be discarded. What applies to you will stick. Below you will find a list of survival tips. Again, most of this may not apply to your situation but it is important that you hear it and apply what is needed.

Divorce is often fought like a war. War as we have come to know it is a long, drawn out battle between two different sides. Conflict arises from two parties and often spreads like wild fire. When it comes to divorce families take sides and issues come about that were long forgiven while the marriage was intact. If at all possible try to dissolve your marriage as privately as possible. Keep the information between the two of you as much as possible. This will alleviate a lot of stress and will keep the possibilities open for an amicable divorce through mediation. Mediation tends to save both sides time and money by providing a joint agreement without litigation in court.

Before you actually file or think you are going to be served with papers start preparing yourself financially as well as finding a trustworthy source of legal aide. Start meeting with several lawyers to determine whose advice, results and tactics are in line with how you are feeling you would like your divorce proceeding to move forward. This will save you time when you are feeling the most fragile and allow you to be one step ahead alleviating a stressful situation from elevating to a place of no return.

Don’t allow yourself to fall into a trap. Some spouses try to convince you will end up without the means to support yourself let alone keep your children. Believing this will only allow them to be in a power position over you and your emotions. Don’t give into this time of emotional abuse. Through mediation or litigation the house, custody, child and spousal support and assets will be divided. Your spouse is not in control of this process. You both will decide, along with the support of your divorce attorney and legal team through mediation or litigation how your joint lives will be separated into two.

The thing about divorce that makes giving concrete advice difficult is that no two divorces like any two marriages. Marriage and divorce are made of a complex combination of pieces that don’t always apply to every situation. Weeding through the advice that applies to you will create an individualized guide to help you move forward in any given situation including your divorce. Take the advice that applies and apply it; disregard anything and everything that doesn’t apply as not to create any resentment that isn’t needed.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorceattorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com/afterdivorce.php.

Longton Law

Create Success For Yourself Throughout The Process of Divorce

Posted on March 18, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

In this day and age it is hard to believe that there is still a prejudice when it comes to men going through a divorce. Men are at a clear disadvantage in the eyes of the courts, media and laws. The fact is that women and their divorce attorney’s know this and will work every angle to ensure she is more than cared for. It is important that as a man in divorce you find legal representation that specializes in men going through a divorce as they have experience in fighting this injustice.

Men need to create their own support system. Women have support from every different direction and play the victim rather well throughout a divorce. Men however are told to be strong, suck it up and move on while continuing to help and support their ex’s if needed. If you want to be bled dry by the end of your divorce this is exactly how you will handle your situation. Instead you really need to dive into looking after yourself and finding an attorney that is in it to win it for you. You need to fight to keep your own head above water. Don’t struggle to live comfortably while your ex vacations on your dime fight for yourself.

Get involved with every step in your divorce. Along with your divorce attorney devise a plan that takes you through each phase of the divorce and create a vision that shows you prevailing. In divorce there is no clear victim, there is no need to play that role or have it played against you. Creating a clear plan and envisioning yourself coming out on top is one solid way to help. Have a successful strategy that you have developed with your attorney is the best approach to achieving your own happiness when the divorce is finally over.

Men often feel a mix of emotions during this period of time. Allowing feelings of guilt, doubt and frustration to take over will make you vulnerable and weak. If your ex-wife’s divorce attorney sees this and you aren’t armed with support and a legal team that if aimed in the direction of your best interests you could find yourself giving in to demands your ex is making that are completely unreasonable. Having an attorney that specifically fights for men’s rights is important. They will provide you with support throughout the entire process legally and emotionally. Your attorney will be the one that saves you when your emotions start to take over and guilt settles in.

There is no reason at all to feel guilt or to do anything other than look out for yourself during this time. The reasons your marriage failed are neither here nor there at this point. What is clear is that at the end of the day you still need to be able to financially care for yourself. You have but financial assets into your home and marriage and you deserve to share equally in the equity. You deserve to be able to support yourself without living below the means you are accustomed to. No matter the reason for the divorce you cannot allow yourself to be taken advantage of. You have a responsibility to your own life at what it will be after your divorce.

Finding an attorney that is in it to represent you and your best interests will help you during the times when you feel weak. They will be strong for you and will not allow you to mediate yourself into providing for everyone else but yourself. It will happen, guilt will take over, for a split second you will give in to unreasonable demands if only so the nightmare can end and you will be thankful that you have a divorce attorney looking out for you.

Longton Law

Overcoming The Demise Of Your Marriage

Posted on March 18, 2014 by Creative Programs and Systems

It is funny that many people believe men make out better when going through a divorce. We often hear something about men being stronger able to move on faster than their sensitive counterpart. This of course is untrue. Many men have a more difficult time when going through a divorce as they feel that as the provider and the man of the family they should have been able to fix the problems. Often time’s men give in when it comes to going through a divorce and many end up starting from square one when it is all over. What men in divorce need to realize is that it is too late to fix what was broken and now they really need to focus on not getting taken advantage of when struggling through the process of divorce. Below are some tips to help any man having a hard time processing the “right” things to do when getting a divorce.

It is common that men will get caught in a woe is me trap especially when their wife is the one who initiated the demise of their marriage. This is one of the most important things to overcome and the sooner the better. Yes, you need time to grieve that the happiness that you once felt is gone but you also need to realize that you will feel it again sometime soon. Meet with a professional to talk your feelings through. The tips that they can provide you with will help you cope and allow you the peace of mind you will need throughout the process.

It is also important that you immediately find legal representation of your own when a divorce is initiated. Men often feel a misguided sense of loyalty, especially financially. A lot of men end up in financial ruin because of this. When you retain a divorce attorney they will be able to help you with what is appropriate and what is too much when it comes to financial negations and obligations. This will help to ensure that you as well end up with resources at the end of the divorce and can provide for your own needs in the same manner you are accustomed to as well.

It is important that when you meet with the attorney that you are completely honest about all the assets and liabilities that your family has. Never try to hide assets thinking they won’t be uncovered. This will make you look bad and it will be more difficult for the judge to look at you in an impartially manner after that.

It is also difficult for some men to be alone leading them to jump into a relationship before the divorce is even finalized. This is something that is not recommended as well. Don’t panic, you won’t be alone forever. Give yourself time however to deal with the end of one relationship before adding the stress of another to your plate. Being on your own and thinking for your self will not result in the world ending. It may also give you a new perspective on who you are verses who you became to try to make your marriage work.

It is never easy to go through a divorce no matter if you are a man or a women. It is difficult to realize that you’re happily ever after is over but the sooner you get on board with the tips above the better off you will be when you have discovered happiness once again.

Longton Law