Category: Longton Law - page 4

Rules Of Dating As A Divorced Father

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Dating as a divorced parent can often be difficult.  This is especially true for dads.  There is a lot to prove to not only their children but also their ex and future partners.  Divorces fathers often have only part time custody therefore tend to be less present with their everyday lives.  This leaves them missing out on a lot of the little things that account for the lives of their children. That also means that when they do have time to spend with their children they really need to make every minute count.

Dating can often be a bit difficult for divorced dads.  There is a lot to juggle while maintaining a healthy balance between time for yourself, time with your children and time for a significant other.  When divorced dads start back into the dating world they should do so with caution.  There is a lot to consider.  Not only do you need to follow the normal rules of dating but also a new set of rules for divorced fathers.

First and most importantly never date or marry an individual that feels she deserves all of your attention and demands to be put ahead of your children.  No matter what she brings to the table no women is worth placing your children and their needs on the back burner.  When you had children you made the commitment to put them before anyone else in your life.

Don’t compare children.  This is especially true among siblings and step siblings.  When you begin to compare them to one another they will begin to feel doubt in themselves and the love that you have for them.  All children and different and unique in their own ways.  Praise them for who they are and what they bring to the table.  Each child offers something special to the family unit.

When you are a divorced father it is crucial that you do everything in your power to stay connected with your children.  You need to be on time and attentive to them.  Make a special effort to be at every event be it birthdays, sports, field trips and so on.  Your presence or lack thereof will be noticed by your children, your ex and so will your significant other.  If the person you are dating is someone you will want to be with forever they should encourage this.

Another important piece of the puzzle is that you live where your children live at least until they are out of school.  This will ensure that you are there for as many big and little events as you can be.  When you are dating be clear that you have no intentions of uprooting your life until your children are grown.  You need to be clear that they are dating you and that your relationship is important but so is the relationship you share with your children.

Last but not least, when dating don’t discuss your ex-wife, especially in front of your children.  When dating, your ex is off limits in conversations with your significant other while you are with your children.  They feed off of your negativity and will hold that against you later on in life.

It is a whole new world being a divorced father.  Every aspect of life with change just a little bit none more so than your dating life.  Take it all in, enjoy the ride and remember to be in the front seat of the rollercoaster with your children!

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

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Dating Tips For Divorced Moms

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for both men and women when going through a divorce.  It becomes a reality that life with go on even without the person you have loved for so long in your life.  Navigating through divorce and on to life after divorce is something that comes with the territory.  One major piece of the puzzle that leaves many in turmoil after their divorce is dating.

Dating after being married to someone for a period of time can prove to be tricky.  Being that you have been out of the dating scene for a while it is understandable if those skills have faded into oblivion.  Face it, it has been ages since the last time you went out on a date.  A decade has past where you have not had to put yourself out there. You will be a bit rusty but you can get back in the dating game with a little help.

First thing first, avoid club hopping at all costs.  The men that are at the clubs aren’t looking for anything long term.  You set yourself up for instant failure in the dating department when you end up at a night club.  What you will find is a one night cheap thrill which is probably the last thing you want.  Don’t cheapen yourself when jumping back into the dating world.  You will only find what you desire by putting your true self out there.  Clubs are an alcohol filled, hormone engulfed environments that can lead you straight into another disaster.

Group dates tend to ease tension and provide a great environment in which to meet new people.  It is easier to be yourself and to put your true self out there when you are with people who you already know and whom make you comfortable.  Being introduced to men through friends is a great way to find someone that is like minded.  Think about the reality of this; friends of friends already have something in common with you.  If they are friends with your friends there is an increased likelihood that you are bound to have some things in common.

Another method that is good for women getting back into the dating scene after a divorce is online dating. Avoid free dating sites as these are the ones that have proven to have a fair amount of scammers. Set up an online profile and start slowly.  There is nothing that says that you have to meet face to face.  Try emailing and talking online for a few months.  When you are ready set up a plan to meet one another.  Online dating can be a stress free way to start talking with people and learning how to put yourself out there.

If you aren’t up for a traditional dating after your divorce don’t feel pressure to do so.  Nothing is wrong with being independent and seeking to be comfortable in your own skin.  Put yourself out there and start making friends.  Volunteer, start participating in the community or team sport activities; anything to just get you back out into society.  When couples get married they tend to forget they are still individuals.  Simply put, start dating yourself before worrying about someone else.  Put yourself first and trust me the rest will follow in time.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

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Moving Forward After Your Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

It is pretty obvious; divorce is not great for your marriage.  With the obvious being stated it is important to know that women handle divorce harder than men. Don’t get me wrong divorce is hard for both men and women however truth be told men move on faster.  It is tough, but not impossible to overcome divorce.  Believe it or not it is actually possible to discover happiness after divorce.  If you are a women who is newly divorced it is time to lose the past grief and unhappiness and move towards your future of excitement and happiness.

It is important to understand that you need to move on.  I know this can be a bit intimidating but it is essential that you start viewing yourself as an independent, strong women.  Moving on does not mean committing to the next relationship that comes around.  It means that you should start viewing yourself as a strong independent woman.  It also signals that you alone are in control of your happiness.  Don’t jump into a relationship.  Give yourself the opportunity to move through your divorce and into the happiness you desire.

Think about exactly what you want after your divorce and bring that to your future.  Consider your thoughts on not only child custody, alimony and a possible change in location.  Consider everything that affects your life after the divorce before you consider updating your relationship status.

Working with your ex is probably the last thing you are considering as you are processing your divorce.  However, if you want to be happy this is one way to create it for yourself.  Maintain a relationship that allows you to be cordial with your ex.  To remain on terms that are at least social allows you to maintain a relationship with your ex that creates an environment that is good for your children and their future.  Move towards the future, stop fighting about the past and bringing up past divorce issues.

When it comes to being happy after divorce the most important focus should always be on your children.  When it comes to the children you should always focus on keeping their life completely normal.  Creating this environment allows you to take your mind off the painful past and to move forward towards a future that creates a life you desire for your children

When it comes to going through a divorce focusing on your children will allow you to see a happiness you forgot was possible.   If it takes therapy or seeking advice from a divorce expert move forward with that plan.  Do whatever is takes to create a happiness that you experience with your children.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

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Keeping A Positive Outlook During Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Men going through the divorce process, especially when children are involved, are clearly at a disadvantage. Women have been favored and continue to be throughout divorce proceedings. Society likes to view women as victims while acting like all men are scoundrels. The problem with this is that in order for a marriage to fail both parties are accountable. No one is without fault in a divorce.

Lots of men are stigmatized by the image of men in our culture being the bread winners for so long. Even though this image is no longer representative of the society we live in today it is still an issue that is facing men in divorce. Financially men are seen as the provider leaving them with the financial burden in divorce. This is a troubling matter especially with the role reversal that is common in today’s homes. More men are staying home while their wives return to work. An even more common element in homes today is the presence of two working parents. Divorce is never clear cut.

If you are a man going through a divorce it is important that you keep your head up and don’t allow yourself to get depressed. Feeling low about yourself only leads you into a situation where you are more easily taken advantage of. Keeping a positive outlook on life and a positive frame of mind allows you to focus on a better outcome to your divorce. Keep disagreements with your spouse to a minimum. This will help eliminate any more bad blood while allowing you to focus on your new optimistic approach to your life after divorce.

While you are moving through your divorce keep an eye on all assets and liabilities. Keep track of money that is being spent on credit cards and withdrawn from joint bank accounts. Your wives divorce attorney will tell her to do the same. This is not meant to be sneaky but to prevent you from being responsible for joint debt that occurs while you are in the process of divorcing. At the end of the divorce you want to remain financially stable. This will not be possible if joint accounts are wiped out and credit card debt is racked up during the dissolution of your marriage.

If you have been the stay at home care provider it is important that you determine what means you have to get back into the work force. The same should be true for your spouse as well if she has taken on the role as in home care provider to your family. Both parties should be financially responsible for bringing in a source of income after the divorce. Don’t rely on financial support from your significant other especially if you are a man. Getting spousal support is fairly uncommon for men in today’s society.

Getting a divorce is not easy. When going through a divorce seek support from friends as well as from an attorney that specializes in men’s divorce. Keep the future in your sites, keep a positive outlook, maintain your finances and work on moving forward.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

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Every Divorce Is Unique

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

Everyone knows at least one couple who has been through or is going through a divorce. When a couple is separating there are two types of friends; those that share too many details about their divorce and those who share nothing. What you need is a friend who has been through the process that is willing to lend an ear and offer advice as needed based upon their experiences. Each divorce experience is different, learn lessons and take advice from others but understand your divorce is unique.

The first thing you need to do when your considering a divorce or you find yourself served with divorce papers is to consult a reputable divorce attorney. I know, I know, that is obvious however even if you don’t thing a divorce attorney is affordable you still need to talk to one. Many offer free consultations and low cost alternatives to those who can’t afford a divorce attorney throughout their entire divorce process. Going through a divorce without any legal representation will end up costing more than just financially in the end. Even in an uncontested divorce hiring a divorce attorney is needed. Hire legal representation before signing anything that has to do with your divorce.

This too may seem obvious but many couples forget; put your children and their needs before anything else when you are going through a divorce. Children are not to be used as pawns during your divorce. They are innocent victims. Your divorce is as difficult if not more difficult on them than it is either of you. Throughout the process be conscious of your divorce and the effects it is having on your children. Their best interest is in fact the only thing the two of you must agree upon during the entire process. Children thrive in an environment that both parents are included in. Consider this before dragging them into your mess and before denying them from seeing their other parent.

Consider who you trust with information pertaining your divorce. Some advice is nice but too much can lead to issues. Don’t bring a new mate into your divorce, don’t rely on only family when going through a divorce; find one or two people to trust with the most sensitive details of your divorce and turn to them during your crisis. Involving too many people brings in to play a lot of opinions and advice that may not apply. Too many opinions cloud your judgment and can lead to rash decisions.

Consider mediation as trials are not something that is needed for every divorce or something that everyone is prepared for. When you go to trial your divorce becomes something that is then put into total stranger’s hands and is removed from yours. Divorces settled through trial can take time, a lot of money as well as expensive attorneys. Consider going through mediation with your spouse, roll up your sleeves and come up with a compromise that both of you can live with that is appropriate for the needs of your entire family.

In the end, after your divorce is finalized it is important that you remember what is important to you. The microwave and sofa might seem like trivial things when all is said and done. Think about the emotional toll that your divorce is having on you and your family when considering what is worth fighting for. From the start consider what you are hoping for by the end and don’t stress over the little things. Everything is replaceable except time with your children so consider that when mediating over each and every other minor detail of your divorce.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

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Divorce Done Amicably

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When you enter into marriage the assumption is that you will stay married until death do you part.  No one goes in thinking about the day there marriage will end in divorce however it happens more often than not now a day.  If a divorce is eminent in your relationship and you are wondering how you can stay on good terms with your ex read on.  Amicable divorces are important especially when children are involved and also when it comes to mutual friends and with the division of assets and liabilities.

The first thing to remember when trying to achieve an amicable divorce is that your children should never be put in the middle of anything.  They are the most important thing that you and your spouse have in common.  They will always be something that you created and share together.  Your children will be affected by your divorce enough as is don’t add to it by making them a part of any decisions that need to be made.  Sit down and discuss a custody arrangement that works to meet both of your needs as parents remembering that your children will thrive in a situation where both parents stay equally involved in their lives.  Consistency is the key when it comes to arranging a working situation and plentiful relationship with your children.  A situation that is feasible for both partners will benefit your children.

When going through a divorce consider dividing the assets rationally and as peacefully as possible.  When you actually sit to discuss what each of you wants and don’t want you may be surprised to find that this is an easier process than you ever thought.  Your spouse may have agreed to a dog to make you and the kids happy but has no interest in keeping the pet you love so dearly.  The same can be said for tangible household items and cars.  Your spouse may have bought certain items to make you happy and therefore there is not any attachment to the object therefore making it easy to surrender.  Of course there will be items you both hold dear; think about the division of these assets in consideration with the larger picture.  This process will be a lot of give and take.  The same process can be achieved with liabilities as well.

Even if you know that the divorce is going to happen counseling can still help especially when it comes to splitting on good terms.  A counselor offers a safe environment to speak from the heart and talk about your shared experiences from your prospective.  This process can help you understand where your spouse is coming from and vise versa.

If you are planning on staying friendly with one another it is important that you hold your tongue; this is especially important in front of family and friends.  Nothing good ever comes from speaking ill of your spouse so it is best to just keep those thoughts to yourself.  When you are choosing to stay in contact and on peaceful terms with your spouse speaking negatively will not help nurture the relationship you are hoping for.  When it comes to your children really keep your negative feelings and thoughts to yourself.  When you and your ex disagree on situations regarding the children it is best to talk about those issues in private.  Your children, family and friends should not be privy to this information; issues should be kept private and dealt with in a civil manner between you and your ex only.  This will keep your divorce and relationship more peaceful overtime.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

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The Truth About Men Going Through A Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When it comes to the image of men in divorce the perceptions is far from reality.  What we envision is that all men going through divorce dump wife number one for a hotter, younger version in wife number two.  We see this in every Hollywood story but the fact is that movies and Hollywood are far from real life. The truth is that most marriages end not because the man has decided the marriage is over but in fact the woman.  Two-thirds of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women.

The truth is that divorce often hits men far worse than women. They are emotionally unprepared and the support for men going through a divorce is far from what is available to women.  Yes, the truth is that most men fare better financially in the process however when it comes to the emotional toll men are hit harder than the portrayed images we have comes to see.

Men often take the marital failure personally and believe that they should have been able to fix it before it became unglued.  Fixers by nature, men have a difficult time admitting defeat.  Divorce is often seen as defeat.  Many men also don’t seek the emotional support that is needed with everything that divorce throws at them.  They are under the illusion that support makes them seem vulnerable and week and therefore tend to take internalize the pain. This leads many into self abuse such as drinking and drugs to cope.

Men don’t handle being alone.  The statistics show that after divorce men are more than eight times more likely to take their lives than their female counter parts. After divorce men that are alone often suffer from depression and typically end up in a new relationship; often times a relationship that is doomed from the beginning because it is only based on them not wanting to be alone.

When it comes to men going through divorce there is a stigma that comes with it; a code of masculinity.  This stigma comes with divorce, being fired from a job and any situation that is seen as failure to a man.  Thankfully many men do hit a point that they understand that the only way to move forward it to seek out support and counseling.

I have talked with many men after getting emotional help to allow them to move forward in their lives after divorce.  A majority of men start to understand what their marriages were missing and gain the knowledge to correct the problem.  Men often feel that if they would have had this emotional support in place before the divorce that more likely than not they would have been more apt to work with their spouse to save their marriages.

We often don’t realize it isn’t what we are giving it is what we are withholding that keeps us on the same page with our spouse.  Men see this through the emotional grieving process.  It is not the income they provide, the big house, the nice car but instead the attention their family craved that would have saved their marriages.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

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Changes To Your Life After Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

The beginning of any new relationship is filled with blue skies, warm fuzzy feelings and all the best of emotions we can feel.  As we go through the relationship process there are ups, downs and everything in between.  Then one day the euphoria returns when you get engaged, plan a wedding and then get married.  This is when the ups, downs and everything in between phase starts all over.  There will be more highs, the birth of a child, there will be more lows, the death of a parent and there will be plenty of everything in between.  Learning to live and grow through all of that is what many couples find to be overwhelming which leads to our incredibly high divorce rate here in the United States.

If you find yourself experiencing the pain involved in the divorce process it is significant that you remember that this process will also be filled a mix of emotions.  Many men find themselves in a situation of little support while being determined that they need to maintain their masculinity. To many men this means not seeking the emotional support they need to grieve the loss of their marriage. There are many ways that your life with change after your divorce.  Thinking about the positives that will come from the process may help along the way.

The way that you go about making decisions will change all together once you are divorced.  You don’t have to come to a compromise any longer. The choices you make will all be your own.  Yes, you still have to think about how your decisions will affect the people around you including your children but there will be no more “we” in the process it will be all you.

Your priorities will shift.  Every moment will not be filled with wife, kids, house work and bills.  You will have time to think about what you want.  You will begin to realize you have control over things you never did before like what time you head to the gym, when you eat dinner as well as what you choose to eat.  Your personal feelings will matter again.  You won’t always be so overly concerned with what you are doing affects everyone else.  You will regain some personal freedoms that just aren’t available to you when you are married.

Your goals, dreams and desires will completely change.  Not every hope for the future will be surrounded with compromise.  After divorce you aspirations will change and for once you can begin to dream about your future and what you alone are dreaming of.  This can be thrilling and scary for newly divorced men especially a man that became used to focusing on the desires of his wife and family.  My advice, embrace it and charge forward.

Take time to take care of your emotional needs.  Seek support and counseling if needed.  Don’t become part of the two thirds of divorce men that sink into depression and don’t seek help to move through the grieving process of their lost marriages.  Seek support and be part of the one third that embraces the newly single status.  Be the father you desire to be for your children while being true to yourself.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

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Divorce Attorney Litigate Towards Quicker Michigan Divorces

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When your marriage is done and over all you are looking forward to is getting the divorce finalized however when you have a spouse who is dragging their feet it is often easier said than done.  Many women that have met with their divorce attorney want to know how they can get their divorce finalized quickly.  Waiting around for it to be over and done is mentally exhausting, time consuming and financially draining.  Below you will find tips to help you through the divorce process if you find your ex-partner to be dragging their feet.

The first piece of advice is to just get it done and over.  Do everything within your power to speed the process up on your end.  Until the divorce is over you will not be able to get on with your own life and moving on. When it comes your turn to process paperwork, meet with your lawyer or be somewhere when you need to be; do it straight away and without delay.  The quicker you get your end of the divorce taken care the faster it will spur the process along hopefully giving your ex the push they need to speed up their end.  When divorce drags on it drains you financially, hurts your children and keeps you from moving forward.

Be clear with your ex that this is it and it is over.  Every relationship has a deal breaker.  If you have reached your deal breaker and the end it here be clear.  State in direct terms what the deal breaker was and how it was broken.  This should clearly state why the divorce is happening.  This faces the divorce and the marital deal breaker head on.  There are no questions and therefore there is no ground to stand on for a possible reconciliation.  This should lead you to a hassle free divorce.

People become greedy when it comes to divorce.  If you are looking for a speedy divorce the last thing that can happen is greed.  You need to divide the marital aspects without dragging on about who gets the sofa and who gets the chair.  I know it is easy to want to get the most out of your marriage as far as possessions.  This is seen as a way to get back at your ex for the hurt and betrayal but in the end moving on is what is important in divorce not who was awarded an extra dresser.

When the end finally comes be ready to set your-self free until then hold off on getting involved in another serious relationship.  Ending one relationship is tricky and time consuming enough but involving another individual in that process can often take it to the next level of confusion and delay.   Take care of your-self, learn to parent on your own and move on living your life.  Try to adjust yourself to your new single lifestyle including your financial situation.  Don’t rely on income from an ex in the form of child-support or alimony.

In ending your marriage in a speedy fashion the above advice and from your divorce attorney should help you maneuver through the process of divorce without too many delays and hiccups.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

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Getting Set Financially After Divorce

Posted on by Creative Programs and Systems

When it comes to divorce the reality is that it does not matter who filed it will be an incredibly difficult time in your life.  It is important that, as a woman, that you get yourself set financially.  If you file, if he files it is all the same, you need to get yourself in a position that you will be able to support yourself and your children with or without the help of your ex.  When it comes to the dos and don’ts of finances in divorce there are a few tips to take into consideration either before you file for divorce or right away after he has filed.

First things first, head to the bank and separate all of your joint bank accounts.  When separating accounts it is best to start fresh at a new bank for your personal accounts.  This is important as it protects you and keeps your accounts protected.  When separating be careful as greed often sets in along with the urge to wipe out all financial assets.  This is easily avoided by creating your own personal account.  Even in the most amicable of divorces financial issues arise.  Do not assume because you are getting along for the moment and acting like mature adults that your divorce will continue down the same path.

The next financial aspect that needs to be looked after is joint credit cards.  It is important to call creditors where joint accounts exist and explain that you are going through the divorce process.  You will want to cancel all joint accounts while opening one in your own name.  Don’t wait on this.  As your mate is beginning a new life it may seem reasonable to them to charge their expenses during the divorce.  If this occurs you are on the hook for at least half of this joint debt.

It is a good idea to start keeping track of any and all money that is being spent in a financial journal.  If you have kept track in writing and have a good solid record of receipts it gives you credit when explaining your living expenses during the divorce. This gives your attorney the edge when discussing how joint money has been spent throughout the process and helps to make sure remaining funds are divided fairly.

When you are certain a separation and divorce is inevitable start writing down a list of questions you need addressed.  As it is when you go to visit the doctor, your brain goes stale when it comes time to get answers to the thousands of questions you have.  Keeping track along the way will help ensure everything is covered and addressed with your divorce attorney.

When looking to find a divorce attorney that specializes in women’s needs in divorce it is important that you look at their record in court and mediation. As with any professional services that are sought feel free to ask for referrals.  Attorney consultations are often free.  Meet with several attorneys that specialize in women going through the divorce and get a feel for how each will represent your needs throughout the divorce.  You will be working one on one with this person to achieve a post divorce life so be sure you are comfortable discussing everything with this person.  Unfortunately, your entire life is on display when going through a divorce.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

 

 

 

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