Divorce is something that can be either a devastating blow or intense freedom. Either a shattering end or a blissful beginning. The experience is different and unique for every individual, couple and child that is living it. Often times men end up taking divorce harder than women. Men and women end up worrying about a lot of different things when a divorce is filed. Women worry about the finances, the place to live, keeping a routine while men struggle with the mental aspect including how they could have let their marriage fail. Men simply have an incredibly hard time dealing with and moving past the idea of failing. Although divorce is not a failure this is how most men that are not interested in a divorce from their partner see it.
When it comes to statistics men are more likely to go on a path of self-destruction after a divorce. While they aren’t worried about making ends meet, as they usually end up more financially stable than a women does they do end up with the emotional burden. Men are also less likely to seek help for this which leads them into self-healing through alcohol, food and drugs.
The truth is divorce is over simplified in the world we live in. When going through a divorce the world has become desensitized because it is so common place. For this reason men are left to believe that the feelings of regret, sadness and grief are ones that are not common and that should not be felt. This is anything but the truth. Our society may make divorce seem common place but this is in fact not the truth and neither party in a divorce should feel like the emotions and phases they are going through in handling the demise of the marriage are wrong or inappropriate.
Some advice for men experiencing this in their own divorce currently; seek out support. Don’t allow yourself to become enslaved to harmful habits that will only forgo moving into a healthy life and future. Experiences in life will hurt, they will bruise your ego but in the end they will make you stronger. Divorce is a time of change but also a time to connect to the world in a whole different light.
Learn to be the father you want to be. The demands of being a partner are no longer on you so take all of that extra energy and turn it into something wonderful for yourself and for your children. The time you have with them be less than you are used to. Even the best child custody relationships leave us with our children less than we are used to when what we are used to is full time. Take the time they are with you and be with them fully both physically and emotionally. The time when you are apart take time for yourself. Get to know who you are on your own without the influence of a partner’s opinion and without your kids.
Become the man you want to be after your divorce not the one that your emotions lead you to be.